A New Era

As I pass not-so-quietly through my first mid-life crisis, I’m learning more about myself than I thought possible.

I am a control freak with perfectionist issues, and I have to learn to let go of certain details. Life is not perfect all of the time. You’re lucky if life is perfect just SOME of the time.

I am not as good as a wife as I’d like to believe. Yes, I keep the house clean & the laundry done. I’ve stopped throwing away the socks, and I make sure the top button of his shirts is always buttoned. But have I said anything nice lately? No. I’m ungrateful. He’s selfish, but when he does something nice, I’m ungrateful.

I have lost touch with my reality. I have lost touch with the very things that make me ME. I’m not sassy, I’m not brash, I’m not an extrovert and I’m not the attention whore I used to be. I have faded into suburban housewifedom, life behind a vacuum, a stack of credit card bills, and a half hour commute. I’ve spent too much time worrying about other people and forgotten to take care of myself.

I’m a horrible judge of character, and that has made me guarded & suspicious. I don’t trust many people, and I let even fewer into my inner circle. Very few people know the real me, and as my life continues to get more hectic, I like it that way. Less people means less time I have to spend away from the one thing that is important to me; my family.

Family has made me territorial. Anything that wanders near my nest is viewed as a threat. That’s not healthy, and I need to change that. It’s OKAY that people don’t need me all the time. When they do, that’s called co-dependance, and THAT’S NOT HEALTHY. So I need to accept that fact & move on.

I came to all of these realizations WITHOUT therapy, which I think is pretty groundbreaking on my behalf. I’m entering a new time in my life, a time where I am going to actively pursue becoming the person I set out to become years ago.

It is time for a change.

This entry was posted on September 17, 2006 at 6:45 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.



One Response to “A New Era”

  1.   sally Says:
    September 18th, 2006 at 6:11 am

    Wowsa. That’s a lot of self reflection. Do me a favor though, as an internet stranger that you owe nothing to – don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t have to be perfect – just happy. You have many plusses that you did not list – so go ahead and add them while you are listing the negatives, just to keep it in perspective. You are bright, funny, observant and caring – and that’s just a start.