Misery Loves Marriage
When the battle lines are drawn & word gets out that your marriage is on the rocks, the advice starts pouring in from all angles. I’ve actually been amazed at how many people have called me out of the blue to ask, “What happened?” “What’s wrong?” and my favorite, “Are you single yet?”
I’ve noticed, though, that the advice weighs heavily upon the situation of the person who’s offering it. And there are two distinct camps: Stay & Suffer With The Rest Of Us vs. Get Out And Be Miserable With The Rest Of Us. Married people have a VERY different take on this situation than single people. And then the single people fall into two distinct groups also; Still Single & Been Divorced. I have to differentiate the two; the advice is quite different.
My favorite, and the one I’m currently putting the most stock in, is from the married people.
“Marriage is work.” No kidding. More like slave labor, because you don’t get paid in marriage. You work FO FREE. (Yes, I said FO. I’m not Michael Richards, I’m from Louisiana & we all have this speech impediment.) But all relationships are work. There’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. And if you write to tell me your relationship IS perfect, then I suggest you either join the rest of us in the real world or hand over your drugs.
“All marriages have their ups & downs. You just have to get through it.” Again, beautiful advice, but what if both parties aren’t currently willing participants in the “getting through” part? This is where I lean back towards my redneck roots & threaten to call my daddy. “Daddy, bring the shotgun. He’s bein’ stubborn again. You might oughta knock some sense into ‘im.”
And the women who are going through “the same thing!” Then you start to feel guilty about talking about it because they start to realize that they’re terribly unhappy in their own relationships, and suddenly the conversation has turned & we’re not even talking about me anymore, but about “Guess what that @$$hole did to ME last night!”
It gives me a sense of comfort to know that everywhere, married people suffer. Whether we will make it through this or not, it’s still to early to tell, but at least I know there are a lot of people out there concerned about me & my well-being. And that really means a lot to me. Despite their advice.
November 29th, 2006 at 5:02 am
All I’ve got to say is…just crack open another bottle of wine. We just did last night.
December 4th, 2006 at 7:59 am
I don’t think any marriage is perfect. Mine has a couple of lingering issues that I think would break many couples up. However there is one common demoninator, we love each other enough to get by. Okay, you can take that finger out of your throat now and stop with the gagging noises.