Suburban Goddess

I’ve been eating more green crap than roomful of daycare kids. Lettuce, broccoli, celery, yada, yada, yada… and let me tell you something. Not only do I NOT have more energy, I actually feel LARGER than when I started. My poor stomach is distended & bloated & I feel that if someone were to poke me with a stick, I’d pop like a three-day old corpse. (Too much? Yeah, maybe a little…)

Seriously, though, I think my body is going into shock.

“What is this green stuff? Hey, Lady, are you crazy? Where’s the mozzarella sticks & chocolate? I can’t digest this crap! Hey, maybe you’re starving… are we stuck on a deserted island? Is that why you’re feeding me seaweed? Maybe I should hold onto this stuff for a while, since there’s obviously something going on out there. There MUST be, since you’re only eating grass & leaves…..Here, let me poof up. Maybe if I poof up, you’ll notice that eating massive amounts of yard clippings is not recommended, and I’ll get something FRIED.”

And so it goes…eating healthy makes me more poofy than when I started. Now that the entire world has been briefed on the state of my digestive grief, I can move on to other topics. Like the state of my sinuses. Or the lint in my poofy bellybutton. If I could FIND my bellybutton…

Diets suck.

This entry was posted on January 4, 2007 at 2:32 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.