Co-Dependence
During the course of your life, you come to depend on certain people to exhibit a certain behavior. Your co-workers, your spouse, your friends, your family…. they don’t often change, and if they do, there’s usually some driving force that you may not understand.
Here recently, I’ve become aware of how much I depended on Chip. He was my cheerleader, my support team, my mechanic, my babysitter, my general contractor. With his continued removal from my life, I have started to realize that I have to adjust the way I do things again. I can’t count on him for these things anymore; I have to find them within myself. I have to find self-suffience (is that a word?).
I never intended on being so dependent on another person, specifically for this very situation; people let me down. So many people in the course of my life have not followed through on their promises, and as a result, I’ve become a fiercely resentful creature. It’s why I won’t ask for help. I know that I hold the bar too high… it’s human nature to make mistakes. Nobody’s perfect. But where my life is concerned, I’d like it to close. I strive for perfection in my job, so much so that I drive people crazy. I strive for perfection in my domestic abilities; so much so that I drive MYSELF crazy. The combination of perfectionist & co-dependance is a deadly match; you better do it for me, and if you don’t do it perfectly, I’ll hate you.
For those of you that believe in astrology, you’ll get a big kick out of MY sign. I sit on the cusp of Leo & Virgo.
Well, it just all makes sense now, doesn’t it?