The Goddess Has Left The Building
I have found myself doing things the past few weeks that make me stop and think, “Why the hell did I do that?”
Anger is truly an all-consuming evil, and if you allow it to continually fester within it can destroy you & everything you care about. So I’m trying to find outlets for my anger, outlets that would pass as “healthy.” I have a punching bag, and I’ve gone back to my old hobby of kickboxing. It’s a bright red bag with a water-filled base, which is significant because I’ve spent so much time with it that the top of my Reeboks have turned pink, and my black gloves have faded to gray where they connect with the bag.
You would think I would visualize the person making me so angry while I punch, knee & kick the bag, but I find myself sinking into a zone that is nothing but me, my insecurities, and my anger. It’s a dangerous place. I wouldn’t suggest coming between me and the bag while I’m there. But my mind completely checks out, and I’m left with this burning anger that never subsides, even when my exhausted body gives up. I can’t get rid of it.
Some days it completely consumes me, the injustice of my situation. Some days I wonder where I went wrong, and how the hell I got here. Some days I just want to stay in bed. But I can’t. Life is passing me by every moment that I sit here and feel sorry for myself, every second wasted on anger and unhappiness. So I climb back into my head and look around, a brief moment of reality pushing through the muddy darkness of anger and depression. Life is moving on.
But in the meantime, I’m getting into pretty good shape… 