Suburban Goddess

Over the course of the past month, things are changing so rapidly that I almost can’t keep up with them. New house, soon to have new (used) car, new life… the only contant will be the old job, and for that, I am eternally grateful. Because I hate change.

Change is frightening, change is scary. Some poeple seem to embrace change with exhiliration and excitement; I face it with terror & dread. I’m a creature of habit… and I like my habits. Over the last six months, my habits have changed more times than I can count. As soon as I get used to something, it changes again. There is no stability and there is no routine, and that leads to a complete lack of comfort on my part. I can’t relax.

It’s hard to stay wound up all of the time. When you can’t let go, and you live in this contant state of fear, it wears you down. I’ve been sick for almost three straight months… and the headaches, I can’t begin to describe. Occasionally it will hit a point that is so bad that I have nothing left to do but emotionally shut off, disconnect, just so I can deal with the details I must deal with.

I wish I could embrace change; I wish I could let go. I know, in time, I will. But right now, today, is just one of those days I want to stay in bed all day…

This entry was posted on April 15, 2007 at 4:50 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.