Suburban Goddess

So I pull out the weedeater when I get home today to finish the job I didn’t get to finish this weekend (because it RAINED. Again.) Across the street, Lawnmower Man is also edging his yard. After a few minutes of feeble cord yanking, my weedeater finally roared to life. I looked across the street with a smug flick of my chin. Yes, he was watching…. (probably because I was stupidly about to fling various creepy-crawlies all over myself wearing only a bikini top and shorty-shorts. I am not the brightest light bulb in the box sometimes…)

So I head towards my landscaping bricks and begin the most pathetic attempt at edging that a human being has ever seen… It was so bad, a truckload of Mexicans hollered from the street,

“Yo! Essay! You are holdeeeng eet the wrong waaaaay!”

I wish I was lying. But I am not. So I immediately eat through the string. Well, I didn’t buy the kind of weedeater that you can tap and voilá! There is more string! No, I bought the type that you have to shut off and re-thread when you use up all the string. So you have stop, put it down, shut it off, rethread it, then begin the whole CordYanking dance again.

I had to do this THREE TIMES. THREE. FREAKING. TIMES.

So while I’m making a complete fool of myself, I hear the beep of one of those walkie-talkie phones. (I HATE those phones. Seriously). I look over, and to my complete mortification, Lawnmower Man has pulled out a chair and is kicked back with a beer, watching me fight with my lawn. I hear him talking to someone on the Beep Phone:

“Yeah, man, come on over! You gotta see this!”

So now I’m the neighborhood entertainment. Without even trying to, I have fallen into the role of Village Idiot AGAIN.

This entry was posted on June 19, 2007 at 4:58 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.