D-Day
Tomorrow morning at 8am, my marriage will be officially dissolved by the state of Texas. Even though I want it to be over, it’s still sad.
You never go into it with the intentions of coming out.
I spent the evening with a close friend of mine. She’s remained impartial in the divorce; she wants to stay friends with both of us, and I would never ask her to do otherwise. After all, if it wasn’t for The Idiot, then I would have never met her. So there are some good things that came out of this marriage (other than the obvious, Alex). But the thing I’ve always liked about this woman is her ability to be honest, open and objective.
We talked for hours about where it all went wrong, and she asked some really hard questions. The hardest one was, “What do you need for closure?”
“An apology.”
“You’re probably not going to get it. At least, not the way you want it.”
And she’s right. Because I’d want it with him crawling on his hands and knees in front of me after I kicked his ass. Probably not going to happen. Okay, DEFINITELY not going to happen, but the mental picture is enough to put a huge smile on my face, so let me have my redneck fantasy.
But the question remains… what would give me closure? Honestly, I don’t think there’s an answer yet. I think the only thing that will bring closure is time. Time, great friends, & a few margaritas…
And having a beautiful pair of blue eyes around definitely can’t hurt things.
June 28th, 2007 at 4:54 am
I love you and wish I had some magical words to make this easier for you, unfortunately I don’t, but, I do know you’ve always been a tough little “redneck cuss”, you have some good friends in Texas, and family here that cares about you deeply, and, your “scattered” friends too, just call any of us, WE ALL LOVE YOU. Grab that little blue eyed beauty and go “simmimg”, eat all the “blues” and
blog all you want, say whatever you want, one more “sappy” mom note–Happiness isn’t getting what you want but wanting what you have-( yeah karma helps a little too) Love YOU!
July 28th, 2008 at 5:56 am
Only way I was able to get closure was to try make her accountable for just one action. Asked her what made her feel she had to reply in the manner she did, and never let up. She has yet to answer. She has apologized which I’ve explained makes no sense if she refuses to answer her feelings, told me I must have misunderstood when I clarified that makes no sense with my asking for clarification. We trust people for basic human qualities, some dont have them, perhaps later on they will, but some just don’t. How many of them are out there? Who knows? Is it temporary, or in reaction circumstances, who cares? I do know that my love cant cure the one I ran into. Sucks,, really sucks to love some one enough give all, yet… Nothing back, nada, empty.