Suburban Goddess

I’ve been pulling my hair out the past few weeks trying to put together a website for my new company… MacLaughlin Studios is now a part of OMC Studios, LLC, a business venture that I’ve invested in with my great friend Mandy.  She’s quite possibly one of the most talented photographers I’ve ever met…  and it has nothing to do with her picture taking skills.

Mandy has an unnatural ability to put everyone around her at total ease… by the time she’s done shooting a wedding, she’s part of the family.  She doesn’t hold herself aloof like so many other photographers I’ve seen; she interacts with people, coaxing natural expressions and colorful personalities to the surface.  Her photographs are not contrived, posed or planned (actually, they’re extremely well planned… but she has such talent that you’d never guess it!).  What comes forth is a snapshot of a moment in time… not a picture.

Working with such talent at times is humbling… I look to Mandy as a mentor.  She has the kind of natural grace and calmness about her that I strive to achieve, and being able to work with her is an honor.

The site will be live on September 1st… I invite everyone to stop by.  The link is on the sidebar.

“Girl, you’re kinkier than a Walmart water hose…”

Why is it that some people only see your worth after someone else has recognized it? You put yourself out there, your heart and soul, letting them know that you would be willing to take a leap of faith despite your horrible past experiences… and they act completely non-chalant.

Yeah, I know you’re single. I’ll keep you around for a while, but I won’t commit.

And so it goes for a while, until you realize that you might be investing a lot of energy in someone who has monster commitment issues, and perhaps you’re wasting your time…. so you cry about it for a few days, dust yourself off, pick yourself back up, put on some new shoes and go back out to try again.

And you meet someone new. And they’re pretty interesting. So you start to pull away from the past, and start to look towards the future…

…and the next thing you know, the past is sitting on your doorstep with a whole new attitude. The “why-are-dating-someone-else-I-thought-we-had-something-together” attitude. Commitment is still an issue (on his part), but the expectations of you are different.

I have absolutely no reason to feel guilty about this. I’ve done nothing wrong. I’ve been honest and open, but I’ve tried to be considerate about it…. and for what? Am I supposed to believe that the past finally has a vision of the future?

I wish I could believe that. I really do. But I just can’t. Committing to someone just so they won’t commit to someone else is the wrong reason to commit. You can spin it any way you like…

It will always point to the same answer.

“They still haven’t delivered the Yellow Book to my house.”

“I’ve run over two of them in my driveway already.”

(Laughter)  “What, you just didn’t feel like picking them up?”

“No, it’s actually the sound of running over them that I enjoy… kinda like running over a body.”

“Well, what do you expect, with all that bile you post on your blog?”

(Silence for a moment as that sets in… I stare out the window until the mouth takes over)

“Bile?”

“Yes, it’s a secretion of the liver-”

“Yes, I know what BILE is, THANK YOU…… jackass….”

My new “complete & total honesty is best” policy has one serious repercussion:

I’m getting the same thing in return.

Over the course of the past few days, certain people who are close to me have dropped a few bombs that really got me thinking about the way I am.  Let me say, quickly, that I am not complaining about this; I actually like it very much.  People seem to have a convoluded perception of self; I am no exception.  At a time in my life when I’ve completely stressed myself out, it’s the last thing I want to hear.
But sometimes, you just need to hear it.

“So do you think we should go with this, or with the other one?”

“Yes.”

“Yes? Are you listening to me? It’s either one or the other.”

“Oh, sorry. The other, then…”

“Did you even look at it?”

“Do I need to?”

“Well you should, because one sucks and the other doesn’t.”

“Then why are you wasting my time with making a decision if you’ve already decided?”

“So I can blame you if they prefer the other one.”

Some people are like Slinkys….

They’re not good for much, but it brings a smile to your face when you shove them down the stairs.

Conversation every morning on the way to daycare:

“Go to skool, Mommy…. go to skoooool….”

“I know, baby.” (I have to drive past the daycare to do a u-turn at the stoplight, because there is no left turn allowed where the driveway meets the street.)

“No, Mommy! NO! THAT WAY! THAT WAY!”

“I know, baby,” I reply as we wait for the light. Alex proceeds to freak out.
Every. Single. Morning.

“No Mommy! Skooooool back there! Skoooool THAT WAY!”

“I know, baby. We’re going that way right now.” I turn the Jeep around, and Alex assists by pointing in the direction of the daycare.

“Over there, Mommy… over there… that way….”

As I pull into the driveway, Alex begins to clap enthusiastically.

“Good job, Mommy! Good job!”

Can your TomTom do that?

“You’re just not a very happy person.”

“You know, you’re not the first person to tell me that.”

This conversation preceded a chain of events today that made me thankful for my silly little life and the drama that is involved… because it is nothing compared to the kind of problems others in my life had today.

C had his jet-ski stolen… after only five payments.

My best friend pulled her daughter out of a pool. Thankfully, she was not hurt, but I remember the panic that sets in as a mother when your kid goes underwater.

T’s husband is cheating on her… again.

And all I can come up with is “I’m tired.” It hardly seems right to complain. I mean, my pain is completely self-imposed; at any time, all I have to do is say “No, I can’t do that right now.” But I want to be Superwoman to everyone, the invincable, unbreakable role model to all single mothers out there…

How stupid. My life is pretty damn good at the moment. I don’t need to impress anyone. So why am I trying?