Suburban Goddess

Nothing exposes you to more bizarre, contagious, and obscure diseases than a two-year old.

Alex has been suffering from what appeared to be a horrible case of diaper rash (all the more reason I’ve been pushing potty-training). Despite the combined efforts of me, her father, and the daycare, it didn’t get better. Every time the poor child would go to the bathroom, she’d grab her crotch and wail in pain, “My booty hurts!” This really isn’t funny, and when she does it in the checkout line at the crowded grocery store, it REALLY isn’t funny. Every blue-hair in a fifty yard radius suddenly dials their hearing aid in your direction and stares at you, mentally comparing your face with last nights’ America’s Most Wanted Top 10.

So I finally bite the bullet and take her in to the doctor. Thank God for health insurance.

As I described the symptoms, the doctor nodded pensively… then she began describing the procedures that were available to collect a urine sample from a 2-yr old. I’ll spare you the details, but I’ll tell you this much; none of them were easy, and they all sounded messy. Just to be safe, the doctor wanted to check the rash. As soon as I flipped my howling naked child over, the doctor nodded happily.

“Oh, she doesn’t have a UTI. This is perineum streptococcus. Very easy to treat.”

It took me a minute to process what she was saying. Any woman who’s had a child is familiar with the term perineum; it’s the part that gets ripped to shreds in a natural birth. But did I understand streptococcus? Like, strep throat?

“Oh yes, it’s the same disease. Sometimes, when a child’s immune system is fighting off multiple diseases, it just gives up on the lesser ones. That’s how this manifests… most parents mistake it for diaper rash and don’t even treat it. But it’s actually coming from the inside-out, not outside in. The tissue gets very red, peels, and leaves the area very tender.” She pulled out her prescription pad, nodding as she scribbled away. “Normal antibiotics, 10 days. She’ll feel better after the first dose. Now don’t be alarmed, because sometimes this medication will turn the stool red.”

Alarmed? Are you kidding? I haven’t got past the fact that strep can make it to your butt….

This entry was posted on October 12, 2007 at 12:45 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.