Paranoia
Before I left last week, while the weather was warming up, I noticed my little creepy-crawly friends had started to find their way back into my house again. While sitting in this very spot on my sofa, I had a flashback of last year as a two-inch roach buzzed past my head and landed on the wall, moments away from sucking out my brain and calling all his little creepy friends to feast on my rotting carcass…
So Alex and I were sitting on the floor this afternoon, relaxing after the long car-ride home from Louisiana when my doorbell rang. Of course, Bear bounced off the door, sounding particularly vicious, and the young man on the other side looked a little frightened. After a moment of pushing the dog back, he began his sales pitch for pest control.
“Perfect,” I thought. Now I don’t have to find an exterminator. I thought about battling it out with a can of roach spray again this year, but it would be so nice to not have to worry about that stuff. Without truly thinking, I listened to the pitch and got sucked in.
I’m so much smarter than this. Really.
But the thing I got to thinking about is the fact that this kid wanted a place to sit down and sign the paperwork. Reluctantly, I let him in. He looked around my house, mentioning what a nice place it was. He also started asking me personal questions, such as, “it’s just you and your daughter here?”
Yes. And my 9mm. Under my pillow.
After he left, I was filled with a unshakable sense of uneasiness. I know better than to be this stupid. To many unscrupulous people out there, I am a easy target. Many people have tried to warn me, but suddenly, as I look at my daughter sleeping, I realize the full force of what they are saying.
I don’t want to live in fear simply because I am a single woman. But I do need to start practicing a little more caution.
May 5th, 2008 at 6:44 pm
Do you remember how I thumped your shoulder the other day? Consider yourself POPPED UPSIDE YOUR HEAD!
May 6th, 2008 at 5:50 am
I always tell single women to:
1: Get a male friend to be the voice on an answering machine or take the computer generated one
2: Always tell sales people your husband is in and out on business and usually home on weekends.
3: Keep the 9mm handy and out of kids reach.
4: Have male friends show up randomly to your house now and then or especially if you are gone.
~Jef
May 6th, 2008 at 10:40 am
It must be hard to be a woman in a world full of potential predators. Of course, men are in just as much potential danger, it’s just that we don’t think about it much and have been taught from birth to expect trouble. Well, I was, anyway. It made me very suspicious of pretty much everyone.
Edge/Jef makes some really good suggestions, though, #4 may be a bit extreme, depending on your neighborhood. And, I prefer a revolver to an automatic for home defense. A revolver never jams when you need it.
Actually, security is a bit of a hobby, but more of a comment here would look paranoid.
May 7th, 2008 at 10:02 am
Next time someone asks that question tell them someone else lives there too. Some ways to put it;
1. “Well, my husband is in prison, and my boyfriend gets out on parole today!”
2. “My roommate is a 6′ 10″ 300lb man-hating lesbian.”
3. “It’s me, my daughter, and my 7 different personalities. One of which is a cannibal!”
4. “Oh no, it’s not just us! The last salesman is still in the freezer, I just haven’t dumped the body yet!”