Happy Anniversary
This past weekend would have marked my sixth wedding anniversary, had I stayed married. Instead, it marked a year & a half since my ex called it quits and ran off with another woman. I started thinking about it, and it reminded me of our honeymoon, which was rather unconventional.
My father had a friend from Mexico, a brain surgeon in Louisiana who kept a home in Mazatlan. The house is over 13,000 square feet, carved into a cliff overlooking the ocean. In an act of pure kindness, he donated his palatial estate for my honeymoon.
This was the second marriage for both my ex & I, so we opted for a very informal wedding at the family ranch. I was perfectly okay with that; I’d had my childhood dream wedding, and it was an incredible waste of money. But I was somewhat uncomfortable when my ex started inviting all his friends on my honeymoon. People looked at with disbelief when he would extend the invite; are you serious??? On your honeymoon???
What can I say? Romance was not on his radar.
Looking back, in hindsight, I should have said something. I should have told him I didn’t want anyone on our honeymoon. Most people understood my hesitation and politely bowed out. But one couple took him up on the deal, and I spent my honeymoon on a seven-day double-date. The second night we were there, as I sat on the deck overlooking the infinity pool that seemed to extend into the ocean, watching the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen… I sat alone on the lounge chair as the ex and his friends carried on raucously inside the house, complaining that there wasn’t enough beer to get them through the evening.
It was that moment I knew I’d made a terrible mistake. I’d never have the romance in my life that I so desperately needed. So there, in the most beautiful surroundings I’ve ever been in, I broke down and cried. It was another black mark, another stunning failure, another compromise of something I should have never given up… I laid out on the chair long into the night, until he stumbled outside looking for me, drunk, the smell of cheep beer on his breath… something I would eventually grow accustomed to.
Since he left, I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what the other woman had that I didn’t. I beat myself up, tore apart my self-esteem, and searched for answers that seemed to never come. It was this weekend that I finally came to a realization; it’s quite obvious what she has.
Lower expectations.
So on this, my anniversary, I make a solemn vow to never compromise those little things that mean so much to me. I vow to open my mouth and speak when I disagree. And I vow never, NEVER to settle for less ever again. I have so much give… but I also have needs of my own.
May 6th, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Some people will never change, they’re too comfortable where they are, too scared to change or accept responsibilty for their actions and try to blame it on everyone else. I often wondered about your honeymoon but thought we must have been too “old and out of it” to understand or maybe having an extra couple was the “in thing”. Anyway, I still believe in my heart you are on the right path in your life, I see the positive changes, I know it’s hard, sometimes incredibly lonely but you are headed in the right direction, be patient, it will come together, YOU ARE NOT THE WOMAN YOU WERE SIX YEARS AGO and I really am very proud of you.
May 7th, 2008 at 3:00 am
That was six years ago and I bet you have a better radar for bad boyfriends. But ya, don’t compromise on stuff that’s REALLY important.
~Jef
May 7th, 2008 at 9:37 am
Listen to your mother.
It’s been more than three years since my ex-wife left and what would have been our anniversary was back in March. When significant dates pass, I think about all the “red flags” that I missed, because I didn’t want to see them. Fighting about getting married the day after I asked her may have been a bad sign, now that I think about it. Ah, well, times change and so do we. You’re younger than I and there’s still lots of time to find happiness, with someone or alone.
One step, one day, at a time.
May 7th, 2008 at 4:35 pm
Kristie: I’m a perfect stranger to you but those events you’re talking about happened in my hometown, Mazatlan, so I couldn’t resist the idea of writing something here. I have no opinion to share other than saying that you did what you had to do then. You were in love so everything looked so different. You made a mistake(??)and paid for it. Will you stumble upon the same rock once again? Wish you happiness and a pleasant life. You deserve both.
An old friend from Mazatlan.