Happy Mother’s Day
Before I had a child, I never gave mothers a second thought. When I’d see them in the store with their children pulling at their pants legs, their hair disheveled and a frown on their face, I’d look at them with a feeling dangerously close to irritation. You chose to procreate, why should I feel sorry for you now?
Now I know.
I have the added bonus of being a single mother, a status I did not choose but there’s no point in dwelling on that now…. life is what it is. If I was inconsiderate of regular mothers, I was doubly so for single moms. After all, single moms are either irresponsible teenage moms or women who were too dumb to figure out how to take birth control, right?
I think God wanted to teach me a lesson.
My eyes have been opened to trials and tribulations I never dreamed possible… and an understanding that is reserved only for women brave enough to incubate a tiny parasite that eventually grows to a big parasite and pops out of your unmentionables leaving a trail of destruction in it’s wake…. yes, ladies, this is motherhood.
And even in it’s hardest moments, it’s worth it. Despite the fact that your body will never recover, despite the fact it is the most thankless job on the planet, despite the fact that you are prone to moments of complete and total insanity peppered with an early form of Alzheimers…. when I look at my daughter’s beautiful little face, I can’t help but thank God for the path that led me here.
Motherhood opens your heart to a new type of pain, a pain stronger than the throes of labor. When you hear your child cry in pain, you would lay down your own life to take their pain away. You learn sacrifice in a context that no one else could ever comprehend. You act out of pure instinct, and when someone else hurts your child, even the most passive woman will turn into a raging lunatic. You become more aware of the world, all the danger within, and suddenly things you never cared about become your life’s focus… how can I make this world a little safer for my child?
But with the pain also comes the more exquisite joy… a joy so pure and intense that at times it moves me to tears. Life becomes simple again… a simple drawing, a simple smile, a simple question asked in childish curiosity…. all this things I cherish with my whole heart. Part of me can’t wait to see what she will accomplish; part of me wants to hold her tiny hand and pray for time to stand still for a moment…
And as I dive to find a towel because there is Sprite now running down my leg after my beautiful little cherub decided to shake the can uncontrollably, I can’t help but laugh… these are the moments that I will long for after she’s grown.
