My Internal Struggle
I got an email yesterday informing me that The X was going to sign up Alex for a cheering class. Her future stepsisters have been doing it for years, and it is only a natural progression that Alex will love it also. (Did you see that movie about Texas Cheerleader Moms? Yeah, that is so NOT me… but the first woman who says something nasty to my baby girl will get a redneck bop in the nose.) My first reaction was anger, my second reaction was disgust, and my third reaction was disappointment. Pretty harsh, I know, but please, A CHEERLEADER???
Why not paint me up in a mani/pedi, force me to dye my hair blonde and walk around with a Coach purse? I am ANTI-ESTABLISHMENT. The whole concept of cheering is completely foreign to me. I’ve seen those cheerleader moms and their crazy schedules, their elitist attitudes, and their psychotically insane competitive nature. That’s not what I want for my daughter. I want my little girl to be intelligent. I want her to thumb her nose at the status quo and strive for more. I want her to be impervious to the materialistic greed and excessive narcissism that surrounds the whole sport of cheering.
And as I started to dissect what it is that really bothered me about this situation, I realized it had nothing to do with Alex, or even cheering, but everything to do with the driving forces behind the activity. I didn’t like that this woman in The X’s life is exposing my daughter to everything I looked on with disdain. And that’s really the wrong reason to have reservations about this particular activity. I wasn’t thinking about my daughter at all.
Besides, it’s too late anyway. She’s already been exposed to it, and despite my genetic contribution (that I’m sure is writhing furiously in its little DNA strands), Alex LIKES cheering. Which brings me to the same conflict that will probably follow me until I die; do I impose my own limited ideals on my child, or do I let her experience ALL of life and choose her own path, even if it’s not one I would have chosen for her?
The answer for me is just too easy. I just want her to be happy.
In a way, I suppose all the things I hate about The X & TOW (The Other Woman) and their influences on my daughter are simply a matter of dissenting opinion. And dissenting opinion can be a good thing; it fosters debate, conversation, and (if handled correctly) healthy conflict. Heaven knows I don’t ever want to make my daughter feel guilty for following her heart. And if her heart involves a big bow on her head and a set of pom-poms, then I will support her to the very best of my ability. Then I will teach her nuclear science. (Okay, maybe not me personally, but I’ll buy her a book. Just in case the whole pom-pom thing doesn’t work out.)
Honestly, I will support my daughter in whatever path she decides to follow. But if it’s this particular path, I just hope that she will always practice kindness and tolerance for others. I know that I personally must set that example if I ever expect that of her. Sometimes that’s really hard, especially when you have your own conflict within. But I vowed not to pass my resentment on to my daughter… and I will keep that promise, no matter how much it physically pains me to do so at times.
May 23rd, 2008 at 2:02 pm
Never forget your name is on the birth certificate … not hers.
~Jef
May 23rd, 2008 at 8:46 pm
Well, you already have your answer the “problem”, don’t you? It’s amazing how unpalatable the right answer is sometimes.
But, she is your daughter and she has to rebel somehow, right? She’ll get bored with it, eventually, and move on to something else. Kids always seem to do that very thing.
I really miss my former step-daughter tonight, though, thinking about the time she signed up for the “cheerleading squad” at her tiny private school. Her mother got quite worked up about it, but, I took your approach. In the end, nothing came of it at all. But, I remember it like it was yesterday.
May 28th, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Get her a cheer shirt with a big anarchy symbol on it. That should make both of you happy.