When Does It Get Easier?

Alex has one of those magnetic doodle drawing devices that she loves to draw on. She’s grown quite adept at it, surprising me one day with a recognizable smiley face.

This past weekend, she lay out on the floor, drawing to her little heart’s content. After a few moments, she held up the toy, showing me two large smilies and a small one in the middle.

“Look, Mommy. That’s Mommy, that’s Daddy, and that’s Alex,” she said, pointing to each of the smilies. “We’re a FAM-A-LEE.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. I know she had no comprehension of what she said, or what it means, or all the pain that suddenly welled up and overpowered me. The anger within at the unfairness of life and how it let my little girl down swelled to epic proportions for a single moment… until the air filled my lungs and common sense returned.

This is just the way it is.

My future decisions will be made with far more care and thought. I am a different person now; I’d like to think I’m better than I was. In the meantime, since she has no true concept of divorce, I just smiled at her and answered, “Yes, baby. And we both love you very much.”

Somehow I just know that it’s going to get harder before it gets easier.

This entry was posted on May 28, 2008 at 7:01 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.



3 Responses to “When Does It Get Easier?”

  1.   Network Geek Says:
    May 28th, 2008 at 12:52 pm

    I don’t know how much of a reader you are, but, if you read for pleasure at all, I suggest getting a copy of M. Scott Peck’s book The Road Less Traveled. It starts with these words…
    “Life is hard.”

    It’s a good book, which I should probably re-read, actually.

  2.   Mom Says:
    May 29th, 2008 at 11:55 am

    Well…. in today’s “fractured” world you still are a family just not under one roof. He’ll always be her dad, like it or not, you’ll always be her mother, even if they don’t like it and she’ll always be both of your’s Baby Girl. It’s unconditional, sad, but you do the best you can and always let her know she’s loved. That’s typically what families do, love their children unconditionally.

  3.   Alan Says:
    August 2nd, 2008 at 3:16 pm

    I agree with Network Geek… I’ve read nearly every Scott Peck book though.. Excellent resource for leadership skills at a minimum… Though I feel “People of the Lie” would do you more good right now.

    Next time something like that hits you,,, LAUGH!!! PLEASE LAUGH!!!! better for your spirit.