I Will Not Live In Fear
My blog has caused quite a little stir in it’s day. At one point, it almost cost me my job. Many times, I unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings (and I STILL feel bad about that.) Now, it was brought to my attention that things I say on it could be used against me in a custody battle.
That made me sit up and go, “WHAT?”
All I’ve ever wanted with this blog, or ANY blog that I write, is a place to express my true feelings. I have spent a great deal of my life with a fear of being ALONE…. in various situations I’ve tried to take the world head-on, and I’ve been knocked down, dragged around, and beat beyond emotional recognition. I’m 32 years old, twice-divorced. I’ve had the fanciest of cars, and I’ve LIVED in my car. I’ve lived what feels like four separate lifetimes in the short time I’ve been on this earth. I’ve learned a LOT. But the most important thing I’ve learned, is that you can’t do this alone. You just can’t. And having someone share their stories with me makes me realize, “Hey, these feelings AREN’T crazy. She felt that way, too!”
If this blog makes one single mother feel better about herself, then it’s done it’s job. If it makes one person laugh at my moments of stupidity, then I’m happy. I’m not here to talk about what a wonderful person I am; I’m NOT. I’m human, and I make mistakes, and I’m not perfect…. and sometimes, in my imperfections, I’m funny. I can laugh at myself; and I can also admit when I’ve made a mistake.
As far as the X is concerned, I’ve never “bad-mouthed” him here, or anywhere. I’ve tried to understand him, his behavior, and the situation he’s left me in. Occasionally I poke fun at him; sometimes I vent about my frustration with him…. but I’m not here to “bash my X.” I’m here to let other mothers know, you’re not alone. And in a roundabout way, I’m reaching out to the strong, amazing women who have lived through this before me, looking to them for advice in my moments of weakness.
How does one get through this without hurting their child?
My daughter LOVES her father, and I just don’t want her to ever experience the disappointment with him that I did. If pointing out irrational behavior (both HIS or MINE) helps us prevent that, then I don’t see how writing about it can be a bad thing.
June 26th, 2008 at 8:47 am
Well, have you written anything that’s libelous about your ex-husband? Has the blog in some why endangered your child? Then, what could there be here that would be relevant to a custody trial?
I’ve noticed a trend with ex-spouses who don’t like having a mirror held up to their behavior. They all seem to like threatening legal action to try and kill the source of irritation. Hell, I even did it when I felt like my ex-wife’s blog was being libelous, which it was when she accused me of stealing from her. I may have done a lot of things I’m not proud of, but stealing food from the mouths of my ex-wife and her daughter wasn’t one of them.
So, it’s all par for the course. He’s just ranting in his own way and I think you should pay about as much attention to it as one would a bull elephant trumpeting in the jungle.
June 26th, 2008 at 9:05 am
I’ve said it before; I’m just pointing out behaviors, and my OPINION. It’s how I percieve things, and there’s always another side to the story. To me, on occasion, the behavior is what I consider disrespectful… and when I try to point it out, that’s when things seem to head South. Quickly.
I’m sure I throw “tone” out there, despite my best efforts. I can’t help it; I’m a black-witted sarcastic person. That was something he & I always differed on, and a part of my personality that he had trouble with. I accept responsibility for some of our recent altercations; in a moment of frustration, you don’t always do the right thing.
As much as it pains me to defend him at the moment, he is not threatening legal action. I’ve never hidden my blogs, and I shouldn’t have to. If he truly cares for his daughter, as I believe he does, then he will tell me when I’ve stepped over the line. In the meantime, I think yu hit the nail square on he head; nobody likes to have a mirror held in front of them.
Even I can relate to that; some of the Chronicle comments can be HARSH at times, but sometimes there’s an element of truth in them.
June 26th, 2008 at 9:19 am
I think what the warning means is any lawyer can read this and twist your words to suit his/her argument before the judge.
“Look your honor at what Kristie wrote here! It clearly indicates she’s ready to load a rifle and go on a shooting spree!”
That’s what lawyers do.
June 26th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Well, Jason, if you’re referring to my comment, then, no, I mean exactly the opposite. Proving something like libel, or insanity, in court is much, much harder than it looks on TV. If there is any significant wiggle room on what someone said, the default is actually in favor of the defendant. That’s what the whole “presumed innocent” thing is about. The plaintiff, or prosecution, has to actually prove their case, not imply it or infer it.
My ex-wife and her latest victim, er, husband, tried to say that things I was writing on my blog about forgiving her for cheating on me was me somehow stalking her. Freakish, but true. Everyone who knew us both just laughed and laughed and laughed at that suggestion, that I would somehow want her back after the way things ended. Which was also why I couldn’t really sue her for libel, either. No one who knew me took her claims seriously! They knew that I was far too scrupulous to actually cheat her of anything that she really had coming to her.
But, ex-spouses can be funny creatures, as can we all. And we all do strange things now and again if we’re under enough stress.
June 26th, 2008 at 4:51 pm
People on the Chronicle just don’t know and love you like we do!
June 28th, 2008 at 8:44 am
No disresepect Network Geek, my comment had nothing to do with yours. It was mainly a bash on lawyers and what they do.
June 29th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
De nada, Jason. I read your comment as a warning that someone might take a stray post and try to twist it into something it’s not. People threaten to take things to court all the time, but it’s far harder to do anything significant there than people realize. Trust me.