Suburban Goddess

While I was home, Mom was going through a bunch of their old files when she found a file containing some of my old school information. I flipped through the file, finding an old handbook on Guidelines For Raising A Gifted Child.

I tested out of regular courses pretty early on… I remember being in specialized courses as early as fourth grade. As I progressed through my school career, the hour a day turned into a full-fledged gifted program. Other kids would look at me and my counterparts with envy as we were pulled out of regular classes to attend “enrichment” courses.

This is where the ego began.

I used to think giftedness meant I was smarter than “regular” kids. After all, they teased me mercilessly for being a “nerd,” so that made me smarter, right? I learned to embrace the label, reveling in my “giftedness.”

So when I went to college, it was serious culture-shock. They never taught me how to actually sit in a regular classroom and take notes. I lost focus quickly. I grew bored. And unfortunately, when I grow bored, I develop a raging case of narcolepsy, which became apparent when my head would hit the desk with a resounding THUD, eliciting giggles and stares from my fellow students.

Anyway, back to being special. So my first year of college, I signed up for a Child Psychology class, and I was excited that Giftedness was a topic to be discussed on the curriculum. I would be able to stay awake through that one! I walked in the day we were covering the topic with a sense of smugness.

I’ve got this topic covered. After all, I’M GIFTED.

All my self-esteem came tumbling down like Paris Hilton in a homemade porno when the professor stood at the front of the room and crushed my entire vision of childhood.

“While many actually think giftedness is enhanced intelligence, it’s actually considered a LEARNING DISORDER.”

This is the day my self-esteem died.

Wha, wha, WHAT? LEARNING DISORDER? I knew kids with learning disorders; they rode the short bus. And little did I know, “giftedness” qualified me for that bus, too. As he continued to explain our cognitive differences, I stared at the blackboard in disbelief. I wasn’t special, I was SPESH-SHUL.

Ugh.

So when I found the pamphlet at Mom’s house, I flipped through and couldn’t stop myself from laughing. One page had a list of comparisons of what it was like to be gifted. These three were my favorite:

BEING GIFTED IS LIKE….

… being a giraffe in a herd of gazelles.

… driving a Lamborghini on a highway of Chevys.

… being a circle in a room full of squares.

HA! So take that, normal people! I may be learning disabled, but you’re all a bunch of SQUARES.

(Now I see why Mom kept that information from me for 25 years.)

This entry was posted on July 10, 2008 at 7:28 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.