I’m Kind Of A Train Wreck. It’s My Thing.
My friend D and I have this unspoken contest: who can be the bigger train wreck at any point in time?
I’m currently winning.
I don’t intentionally set out to screw up my life, I just find myself in these situations because my heart and my head do not stop to converse. Perhaps if they did, I would not find myself in these situations.
Heart: “I like him. Let’s fall in love.”
Head: “Um, no. Emotionally unavailable.”
Heart: “What about this one?”
Head: “Um, no. PHYSICALLY unavailable.”
Heart: “Okay, how about this one?”
Head: “Are you on crack?”
But alas, my heart is somewhat of a bully, beating down any semblance of common sense (RUN, STUPID!) and putting me in ridiculous situations where I find myself doing crazy things that sometimes just don’t make sense to those around me.
Or myself, for that matter.
But then, that’s just the way I am. Boundaries are optional, common sense is unavailable, and life is more entertaining. And the drama ratio increases exponentially with my caffeine consumption… so check in with me around 10am on any given day for a true show…
August 13th, 2008 at 5:34 am
Uncommon sense… gut reaction 1 + 1 = Wreck
1. “Our sense of self comes from our need to map our relationships”.
Plus
1. “Until belonging is found in our solitude, our external longing will be needy and driven” .
Equal
Our trap is set to be needy and driven wanting a sense of self from a relationship what we ourselves refuse to do. From the fear IF we work to find peace nirvana / karma / or enlightenment in ourselves:
The punishment is to be alone from then on after. Because there is no purpose for a relationship
once we achieve this. Friendship has been demeaned then, as well Companionship, without opportunity or choice to defend. A lover is not going to supply what is missing, unless we lean on the self and use the lover for validation. Crappy place to get our self validation from, and very dangerous if either is partially off balance… Looks like a road to a wreck.
Are relationships therapy self centered between people? I see relationships forming, and its as if a switch goes off: certain subjects are then taboo, cant bring that up, nor that one, nope not that either.
So, we get couples friends over here, and singles friends here… Ah…. Tolerance???? WTF??
Screw the match, I want a beacon blazing light.
August 14th, 2008 at 1:16 pm
You know, I used to joke that I was looking for a girl with a nice rack, a great rear-end, with low standards and weak boundaries. Ha! Well, I’d like to say I’m older and wiser and I know better now, but, well, this was just a couple of weeks ago… Is that a bad sign?