Suburban Goddess

Me: I just had a co-worker refer to B as “Dave Navarro meets Tim Burton.” Fitting, don’t you think?

D: Totally

Me: And of course, anytime anyone sees a pic of you, they’re all like, “When did you meet Ryan Seacrest?”

D: *sigh*

I was chatting with the youth pastor at my church while we were waiting for service to start yesterday; he’s one of those trendy, edgy youth pastors who’s “super-cool” and walks around to the kids saying things like “cool beans” and “rock on!”

I like him. He makes me laugh.

We kick off every service with a Powerpoint countdown which I’ve learned to get over, simply because he’s actually GOOD with Powerpoint. I was scrutinzing the background slide as the bass of the thumping techno music shook the walls, when I realized that he used a Photoshop brush that’s one of my favorites.

“Hey, who does your slides?” I asked, interested.

“I do. Why? Does it suck?” (Note: no pastor I ever grew up with would say the word “suck” in this context.)

“No, I just recognize the brush you used. It’s pretty cool.”

“Yeah, I do that stuff myself… you know about that kind of stuff?”

“Um… yeah. A little.” So we started talking about my day job, and suddenly he got very excited.

“You know we’re hiring designers right now? If you shoot me your resumé, I’ll get it in the director’s hands.”

“Really? That’s cool…. but I REALLY like my day job right now.”

“Well, you know, if you don’t want to do God’s work… I guess he’ll understand.”

(pause)

“That was the worst guilt trip I’ve ever experienced.”

“I know, right? I should be Catholic!”

I received an email from one of the Chronicle editors this week, asking for my permission to pull one of my blog posts for publication in the Sunday newspaper.

Are you freaking kidding me? Of COURSE you can have my permission!

But then I started thinking about all the times I’ve complained about the “mainstream media” and how they love to fluff up the news, and I realized… CRAP. I’M the FLUFF.

Oh well. Here’s to being fluffy. At least I’ll finally be PUBLISHED fluff. Woo hoo!

I’ve been a foul mood lately… multiple events are getting to be more than I can handle, coupled with life issues that make life more, well, complicated.

I don’t like being cranky. I hear the crankiness spill out of my mouth, and I try to catch it but it’s too late. I just don’t have any tolerance right now, and I hate that. I hate contributing to the negativity. I want to be positive.

I think the thing that bothers me the most is just the stunning display of disrespect I see for others. I feel like I’m surrounded in nastiness sometimes, pulling me down to that level.

I don’t want to be at that level.

But sometimes, to shake them loose, you have to make them cry.

IM conversation with my mother:

Mom: Hey your suppose to be working
Me: I AM working.
Mom: thanks for typing BIG
Me: lol
Mom: QUIT YELLIN
Me: That’s YOUR screen, Mom… I have nothing to do with it

I’ve discovered that some people are just plain mean, with no rhyme or reason whatsoever.  So to these people, I would like to announce that we are serving razor blades with a cyanide chaser in the lobby.  Along the way, there’s some puppies that need kicking; I’m sure you can handle that.

Cranky old bastards.

My friend D and I have this unspoken contest: who can be the bigger train wreck at any point in time?

I’m currently winning.

I don’t intentionally set out to screw up my life, I just find myself in these situations because my heart and my head do not stop to converse.  Perhaps if they did, I would not find myself in these situations.

Heart: “I like him.  Let’s fall in love.”

Head: “Um, no. Emotionally unavailable.”

Heart: “What about this one?”

Head: “Um, no. PHYSICALLY unavailable.”

Heart: “Okay, how about this one?”

Head: “Are you on crack?”

But alas, my heart is somewhat of a bully, beating down any semblance of common sense (RUN, STUPID!) and putting me in ridiculous situations where I find myself doing crazy things that sometimes just don’t make sense to those around me.

Or myself, for that matter.

But then, that’s just the way I am. Boundaries are optional, common sense is unavailable, and life is more entertaining.  And the drama ratio increases exponentially with my caffeine consumption… so check in with me around 10am on any given day for a true show…

“Can you make it a JPEG?”

“Excuse me?”

“My picture… can you make it a JPEG for me?”

“QUACK.”

“What?”

“Nothing.  Sure I can.”

“There is no lack of pissed off, middle-aged white men in Houston.”

“No kidding, huh?”

“Seriously.  They hate women like me.”

“That’s because you THINK.  Thinking is not allowed by women. You take it too far.”

“I would think that men would WANT their women to think..”

“Two problems with that statement: 1) you started it with ‘I think,’ and 2) we DO want our women to think, but only about sex.”

“Pig.”

“I know.  But that’s reality, honey.”

Sometimes this whole one-day-at-a-time thing sucks.

I’m sick of life’s roller coasters. I think this is why I have such a hard time staying in the moment; having to deal with certain emotions head-on, and STAY with them, is overwhelming. There’s solace in the unknown future, and planning for events that may never happen is comforting to me, even though many of them never become reality. Who cares; if I’m thinking about the future, I don’t have to deal with NOW.

Unfortunately, NOW has a way of tapping you on the shoulder, and when you turn around, it punches you in the face.

NOW is a bitch sometimes.