Suburban Goddess

I know the posts have been scarce lately; I have a lot going on.  My day job has kicked into overdrive since the hurricane; my nighttime one has as well.  My love life got unspeakably complicated for a moment, almost came to a fiery end, recovered nicely only to plummet into something dark and sinister, and is slowly coming back into the light again.  I wish I could write about it, but I can’t at the moment.  Still too complicated.

I am being watched on more than one front, and I hate it. I can’t talk about my job, I can’t talk about my love life, I’m scared to talk about my daughter and I haven’t seen my family in a while so the inspiration has run dry. Don’t get me wrong, things aren’t BAD… in fact, I think things are about to get very, very good… but in the meantime, I’ve had to learn something that I’m not really good at:

How to keep my mouth shut.

In the meantime, I will have to search for blog drama elsewhere so I’ll have something to talk about.

I married into this last name… it is not my maiden name.  I thought about changing it back to my maiden name, but since Alex carries it and my business is MACLAUGHLIN Studios, I just gave up and resigned to my fate.  (I actually considered dropping my last name all together and just being KRISTIE.  But that’s horribly pretentious, and it would take too damn long to explain anyway.  And I’m lazy.)

I’ve had this name for almost seven years, and it never fails to amuse me how people butcher it.  It makes answering my telephone rather easy; if they can’t pronounce it, I hang up.

“Ms. McGloglin?”

(click)

“Ms. MacLachlan?”

(click)

“Ms. MCGLOGGGG…”

(click)

“Ms. McLAFLIN?”

(click)

Even people who know me can’t pronounce it.  Last time I went home, my grandmother gave me a check for Alex.  And that’s all she wrote in the name field.  Alex.

“I can’t ever remember what your last name is,” she tells me.

(blink)

So how DO you pronounce it?  It’s MIC-LOF-LIN.  And when you try to spell it, it’s a Big Mac at the beginning, with a Laugh in the middle, followed by a lin. Because since I’ve adopted this name, there has been quite a lot of sorrow…

… but quite a lot of Laughs as well.

Do you know that feeling when you’re having a conversation, and the phone rings, but neither one of you move to pick it up because you know who’s on the other line?  But it continues to ring… and you pretend to ignore it until finally, someone looks at the caller ID, only to put it down and let it continue to ring?

And your conversation is suddenly unspeakably strained… and you’re left with your pulse racing and this overwhelming nausea…

My power came back on tonight… for that, I am thankful.

I watched the debate, like many others.  It was interesting… but my mind kept wandering to another place, a place that I wanted to be, but couldn’t.

“Alex, put your seatbelt on.”

“Okay, Mommy.”

“Do you know why we put on our seatbelts?”

“Because it’s the WAR, Mommy.”

(snicker).  “It’s the LAW.”

“Yeah, it’s the LAW.”

“And what happens to people who don’t obey the law?”

“They’re BAD… and the police man comes and gets the BAD people.”

“That’s right…”

“And then they take all the BAD people to BOSTON.”

Everyone around me has electricity… but I don’t.

WTF??

Okay, now that’s out of the way, so we can move on to more important things.  Like how embarassing it is to have to bring your kid into work and she has an “accident,” and you don’t have anything to change her into.  And then, after you rinse out her shorts and underwear, wringing them as tightly as possible before putting them back on the child damp (because you can’t have your kid running bare butt though a corporate office, where everyone else has electricity and perfectly coiffed hair), she then spills Sprite all over the last remaining dry garment (her shirt).

I heard the wail from across the office, flying down the corridor as fast as possible to find her distraught, pointing at her shirt with that big sad face.  “Mommy,” she cried, pointing downward. “I spilled it.”

So I dry her off as much as possible with flimsy Kleenex, thinking that perhaps this is my cue to leave early, but oh no, I’m slow… a few moments later I hear her wailing again, but this time it’s the “I’m really hurt” wail. The wail that makes every mother’s heart stop.  Again, I sprint down the corridor, heads popping out of cubicles like a corporate version of Whack-A-Mole.  I follow the sound of the wail, which is coming from the bathroom.  No huge emergency; it’s just that the door is too heavy for her tiny arms to open, so she was trapped inside.

I swept her into my arms, kissing the tears while chastising her for going without a grown-up (which I must have done a million times last week).  As I walked her back to my cubicle, soggy now from head to toe, I wondered how in the hell other mothers do this with more than one kid.

Late in the afternoon, there was birthday cake…. like the kid needed any more reason to go insane.  After licking the icing from the cake (much to the enjoyment of my co-workers), I prepared myself for the inevitable sugar spin.  I was not disappointed.  Within moments, she began growling.

Yes, this is my little angel.

My last line of defense was to plug her into my laptop; the ultimate mommy desperation card.  Yes, I have a Dora video game.  It plays that insipid map song that I despise so much… but if it pacifies my child for one hour in a corporate environment, it’s worth it to hear that stupid map singing in my head for the rest of the evening.

On the way home, she fell sound asleep in her carseat.  I’ll admit, I had a moment of irritation.  I even contemplated shaking the car from side to side for a moment…. but I got over it. Even now, as I clean the Cheeto residue from my iPhone, I have to admit I have a really good kid. She’s allowed to have a bad day.

Considering the circumstances, I’m amazed it took her this long to have one.

Yesterday, on the way home, I received a text message from my friend that I carpool with.  She was throwing in the towel this weeked, heading up to Dallas with her boyfriend where she could indulge in air conditioning, doing laundry (who knew you’d ever WANT to do laundry??) and getting a pedicure at her parents house. Before she left we discussed it:

“You should head out of town this weekend, too.”

“Nah.  Power should be up soon.  Besides, with my luck, I’d drive all the way to New Orleans and my power would come on Saturday morning.  I’ll just wait it out.”

Yeahhhhh….. so…….

The text message was simple: “Check website. I heard out status just got bumped to Thurs.”

I was in the car, but that never stops me from checking the Internet (sorry, Mom), so I grabbed my iPhone and manuevered to website.  There, in a beautiful shade of blue, sat my zip code.  I cross referenced it to the chart, and there it was, clear as day.  Estimated time of connection; By Thursday, September 25.

Well, CRAP.  Now what?

At this point, I figure, I’ve made it this far, what’s another week?  I actually established a nice little routine; Alex and I get home, play outside ’til dark, I give her a bath by candlelight, we watch a movie on my laptop and go to bed at a decent hour.  Nothing like being thrown into the Sub-Dark Ages to help you re-prioritize again.  And I actually feel rested for a change.

One thing I HAVE noticed, though, is how much that BOTHERS other people.  I’ve listened to many people over the course of the last few days whine incessently about not having electricity, and they didn’t know how they were going to COPE with the STRESS of IT ALL…. OMG!

Get a candle, stupid.  It’s not that complicated.

I understand, a lot of people lost a lot of food in their freezers… but it’s not like we live in a third-world country.  The grocery stores are OPEN.  Yes, money is a little tight… but your electricity bill is going to be seriously LOW next month, so you’ll be fine!  It’s funny that I, of all people, Queen Of Over Dramitization am not stressed out at the moment.  In fact, it’s almost weird.  There is the greatest peace over me right now that I cannot describe; I guess I’m just thankful that I was spared from the brunt of the storm.  The eye passed right over my house, and yet, it still stands and all I lost were some limbs from my big tree in the backyard.

Suddenly, everything else is just small stuff.  Details that will be worked out in the coming weeks.  In the meantime, I’m enjoying dinners outside on the patio with my daughter, quality time reading together, finishing up all those craft projects that have been lying around, & candlelit baths after she goes to sleep.

Unplugging, albeit involuntarily, has been a very rewarding experience for me.  So to hear that I have to tough through a few more days… well, I’ll be just fine.

Me:   TLAP day. I dont get it
D:     What is tlap?
Me:   Talk Like A Pirate
D:     Ah
Me:   All over the internets today
D:     Its been around for like, ever
Me:   STUPID
D:     yeeaaaarr

It’s been a really interesting six days since my power went out.  Did I mention it’s been six days? Yeah… but the word is out that we should have power by next Monday, and I figure since I’ve toughed it out this long, another three days won’t kill me.  Chip has Alex this weekend, so it’s really a win-win situation for me; if the power DOESN’T come back on, then I don’t have to find ways to keep Alex entertained in the dark… and if it DOES come back on, then I at least get a little time to myself to maybe rent a chick-flick or two.

In all honesty, it hasn’t been as difficult as I thought it would be. Living without power isn’t that different from living with it in my world; the only thing is I can’t charge my phone as often as I’d like. Most evenings I’m fully engaged with Alex until 9pm, and then I just stare vacantly at the TV for two hours; now, I just go to bed with her, and I’m finding myself fully refreshed by sunrise. The other unexpected bonus is that during the first three days of no communication and no power, I unwillingly weaned myself from my caffiene addiction (and the headache was absolutely crippling… I will NEVER drink as much coffee as I did before the storm.)  I actually feel healthier, and I don’t crash in the middle of the day like I used to.

The only thing that truly bothers me about this storm is that I turned a friend in need away, and I’m afraid I’ve irreparably damaged the friendship in doing so… but I had my reasons. Sometimes to fix something, you have to break it. I know I did the right thing, but it still hurts to lose him. He was good to me for a while, and walked me through some really tough times.

On the flip side, I’ve strengthened some of my other friendships and really come to appreciate the company I work for. I’ve learned I really DON’T need that much to survive, and how incredibly spoiled I really am.  I also realized that I’ve done pretty well for myself, all things considered, so next time I decide to have a little pity party I’m going to try to stay focused on this stuff.

I’ve also come to the realization that my love life really ISN’T such a train wreck… and the object of my affection has deemed himself worthy over the past few days. Maybe someday I’ll actually write about it.  Right now, things are still too complicated.

So day six is closing, rolling into day 7… life moves on and I haven’t killed anyone.  I don’t think I’ve even threatened to lately… oh, wait, yes I did.  But that doesn’t count, because she totally deserved it. And it had nothing to do with electricity, either. But I didn’t REALLY kill her… I got over it.

Okay, here’s the part of natural disasters that PISS ME OFF.

1) Whiners. You have everything except power, and you’re going to carry on like your life is over.  Seriously, have you seen Galveston?  Those people have toothpicks to sift through; you have a roof over your head, water you can drink, and all your stuff is still where you put it Friday night when you went to bed.  Yes, it sucks that the electricity is out, but YOU ARE BEYOND LUCKY… so SHUT UP and go volunteer somewhere.  It’ll pass the time while you’re waiting for electricity and maybe show you how freaking lucky you really are.

2) Price gougers.  There was a couple sitting in a parking lot selling generators for $1500.  They should be shot. In Liberty county, one station was selling gas for $8 a gallon.  They should be shot too.

3) Looters. And I’m not just talking about the smash and grab type; I’m talking about the people who AREN’T in need, but stand and line and take free stuff when they know good and well they have plenty enough to get by.  There are thousands of people who NEED things, and you’re just taking them because they’re FREE.

4) FEMA.  This is quite possibly the most useless government agency on the planet. Get some better management, get some organization, and get a damn clue. *But to your defense, you just assume that people who stand in line are needy, and not greedy freeloaders.  See rant #3.

5) Entergy. You wait THREE DAYS to assess the damage? Are you kidding me? How long did you know a hurricane was coming? You didn’t stop to think that perhaps it might knock down a couple towers?

Okay.  I’m done.  I’m changing my masthead until I have power again.