This HURT
When I picked up Alex this morning, she had two stuffed ladybugs with her.
“Look at that! Aren’t those cute! Who gave those to you, baby?”
“My Daddy and Mommy.”
“I didn’t get that for you, baby.”
“No, my Mommy at Daddy’s house.”
My first reaction was swift, but somehow, SOMEHOW, I managed not to snap, “She’s NOT your Mommy!” It took my entire being, every fiber of my morals, every particle of my conscience to hold it back. But I did.
There better be a place for me in heaven, damn it.
October 19th, 2008 at 2:32 am
Went through this. Except my wife’s ex-psycho made a point to say that I was and would never be the kids dad. I agreed. My name is NOT on the birth-certificate. That’s something you and TOW will need to discuss politely. A friend’s dad once said to me when I asked, “Do I get them to call me dad?” He said, “Well, are you there dad?” It became clear I was a parent but not a dad.
Shame on TOW and the ex.
Here’s the kicker. The step-daughter had such a fight with the sperm donor, she now calls me dad.
Knot
October 20th, 2008 at 7:10 am
First of all, good for you. I suspect it was pretty hard to do, since that sort of thing does hurt. A lot.
Secondly, you may want to encourage Alex to refer to her as Mommy Number Two, or something similar. It still makes her a mother figure in Alex’s mind, which may not be a bad idea, but, also emphasizes how you’re still Number One. Because, all things aside, you’ll always be Alex’s Number One. Honest. As a former step-father, I know this is true.
October 20th, 2008 at 10:30 am
OMFG! kill kill die die. Iunno what I’d do if i was in your (especially fine) boots. But I’m damn sure I’d have lost it. I commend you on your fortitude and grace.
Personal experience – I was older when my parents split, so I understood the dynamics and never called my stepmother “mom”. I called her my “Stepmonster” in the most loving way possible to make light of the situation – and I really do like her. She is not my mom, but a woman who brings much to my life.
Not an easy situation. But you’re handling it beautifully.
October 20th, 2008 at 2:19 pm
Yep that is a tough one. My ex (we last tried rconciliation and counselling at the end of last year and were officially divorced in April of ‘08) just told me she was enaged and that she was moving in with him before the wedding. We split custody at this point but my daughter will live there part of the time. My daughter was excited to learn she would have a step-sister (the fiance’s daughter by his first wife). It was hard to hear that but I chose to say nothing positive or negative about it. I think you (and I) should be included in the decision about what the X’s new partner should be called. In fact I think we should have the right to veto any use of the “mom” or “dad” name altogether- if we are so inclined. We are entitled to be a little hurt at the suggestion that that name implies.
May 26th, 2009 at 1:13 am
Good..