Suburban Goddess

Tomorrow I have to return to reality.  I don’t really want to go back; a week without laundry or dishes has spoiled me. Actually, I *did* do the dishes occasionally, but it’s different when you volunteer vs. when you *have* to do it otherwise your kitchen will smell like rotten meat.

Not that that’s ever happened. (cough)

I’d say it was an uneventful holiday, but in some ways, it was VERY eventful. The most mundane things suddenly had much more meaning than ever before.  Sitting at the family table flipping through family photos with my mother and her sister unleashed a small volley of stories. Listening to my father play his guitar had a profound effect on me. Just being able to let my daughter meet all of this extended family was more special than words.

At the risk of sounding mushy, I just loved it all.  Granted, we are NOT the poster children for Hallmark; when you take liberal family from California and New England and drop them in the Deep South, well… let’s just say I had plenty of entertainment. (Mom now warns everyone, “Watch what you say, she’ll put it on her BLOG!”)  To which I take a certain measure of indignation; I most certainly will not, because if I wrote what I wanted to, my family would most certainly disown me.

And I kinda like having family, no matter how crazy they are at times. So I have to take a vow of silence.  Or at least, a vow of restraint.

I can’t keep it ALL to myself….

I only have access to dial-up. Blogging from an iPhone is futile, thanks to Apple’s lovely word-recgonition software and my fat fingers on a virtual keyboard. I’ve lost track how long I’ve been here; all I know is I’m constantly being fed, almost as if they are fattening me up for the kill… Speaking of, I’ve now been subjected to old VCR tapes of my father’s dirt-track glory days and my liberal relatives going headfirst with my redneck relatives; If I hear one more racial slur about our President-elect, I might don a white sheet myself just to sneak out of here…

I haven’t gone through complete Internet withdrawls yet, but I’m starting to get the shakes. I don’t know how much longer I can survive… Thank God for the 3G network…

If I don’t make it out alive, I love you all. Please bury me with my red Swingline stapler, my iPhone, and that picture of Bora Bora. Meanwhile, I have to go. Another quart of Angelo Broccato spumoni is begging to be devoured. It’s a tough job, but I’m up to it.

Happy Thanksgiving! I hope you all have a wonderful holiday!

Do you ever get those little butterflies in your tummy when you think about someone?

Do you ever wisk you had a flyswatter to kill those damn things?

Six rotten pumpkins + four inches of rain + a month worth of mosquito larvae = the reason my garbage can was run over in the middle of the street this morning.  I’m sure of it.

I still don’t know how they lifted that damn thing.

When I was little, I had a small wooden train set. On either side of the cars was a magnet that held the next brightly colored wooden car in line. If you tried to put them together with the magnets facing the wrong way, the cars were inexplicably pushed apart instead of coming together…. but when you turned it around, the magnet’s draw would pull the next in with a satisfying click.  It was a small experiment, seeing how far you could separate the two until the magnet would draw it back again, and it seems that the farther away it you placed it, the more violent the click became.

Quite often in my life, I am drawn to people the same way. People who awaken a deep passion within me pull me in, and I’m powerless to walk away from the inexplicable draw of nature. Sometimes it’s so violent within that I can’t control it…. and it scares me.

I have yet to find my happy ending. But as life carries on, I realize I’ve never taken a chance on that invisible magnetism; the passionate, the sensitive, the deeply sentimental ones… I walk away from those, choosing instead to settle with safe and steady.

Yet safe and steady has let me down as well. So why not take a crazy chance on something different? The thought terrifies me, and yet my heart ignores my head and follows the pull of something greater….

How could it possibly be any worse than anything else I’ve lived through?

Me:   You know I just have this driving need to be right.

D:     You need to learn to get over that

Me:   Tell me about it

D:      It turns into a battle of who can be crazier

Me:    LOL

D:      Take the high road and move on

Me:    I never thought about it that way. That’s good advice, D.  I might actually listen to you this time.

Eight hours to go…. I can get through this.  Eight hours, and I will officially be on a much needed vacation. Eight hours is all I have to endure without losing my temper or having a nervous breakdown. Only eight more hours of biting my tongue and fighting off an aneurysm.

I can do this.

I know nobody ever looks at the links above because I’ve procrastinated for SO LONG that everyone assumes there’s nothing underneath them.  HOWEVER, I have finally started developing this website the way that I originally intended to, and I just wanted to let you know I put some stuff under downloads.  Now, I know most of you aren’t here for graphic design stuff, but if you are, I have some cool stuff for Photoshop going up. So go see, if you’re interested.  Because someday I’ll teach at Photoshop World, and all the computer geeks will be proud of me.

Sometimes I just don’t understand people.

Why do people make basic communication so complicated? Why can’t they just say what’s on their mind? Why do they have to shroud their true intentions with mystery, anger, and drama?

Why is it so hard to tell people what you’re thinking?

I consider myself a pretty immature person. I’ve made some bad decisions in my life… but in the past two years I’ve really had to grow up. I’m not saying my decisions have gotten any smarter, but at least now I think about them a little harder than I used to.  And one of the conscious efforts I’ve made is to clearly communicate what I want/need/feel to others in my life.

No games. No garbage.

A lot of good it’s done me.  Because people *still* have a warped impression of what I’m trying to communicate, and my *lead by example* hasn’t done a damn bit of good.

Some people just like to play games.  I’m not one of them.  And quite frankly, I’m sick of people who do.

“I think I found another reason to not have kids.”

“Uh oh.”

“The GF texted me and said we should either check out a comedy show in my hood, or hit a jazz club. I am positive you could not make casual plans like that if you had a kid.”

“Sure you can; you just have a babysitter on speed-dial.”

“Yeah, but you see, that is so not realistic.”

“That’s why you have more than one….”

“Yeah, I still don’t want kids.”

“Yeah, it is kind of a pain.”

“I can see that.”

“You see the great thing is, we will do that on Saturday, sleep in late on Sunday, then go to brunch. No rush at all.”

“Well, that’s where a DIVORCE comes in handy.”