I Don’t Want To Fall In Love With You
When I was little, I had a small wooden train set. On either side of the cars was a magnet that held the next brightly colored wooden car in line. If you tried to put them together with the magnets facing the wrong way, the cars were inexplicably pushed apart instead of coming together…. but when you turned it around, the magnet’s draw would pull the next in with a satisfying click. It was a small experiment, seeing how far you could separate the two until the magnet would draw it back again, and it seems that the farther away it you placed it, the more violent the click became.
Quite often in my life, I am drawn to people the same way. People who awaken a deep passion within me pull me in, and I’m powerless to walk away from the inexplicable draw of nature. Sometimes it’s so violent within that I can’t control it…. and it scares me.
I have yet to find my happy ending. But as life carries on, I realize I’ve never taken a chance on that invisible magnetism; the passionate, the sensitive, the deeply sentimental ones… I walk away from those, choosing instead to settle with safe and steady.
Yet safe and steady has let me down as well. So why not take a crazy chance on something different? The thought terrifies me, and yet my heart ignores my head and follows the pull of something greater….
How could it possibly be any worse than anything else I’ve lived through?
November 23rd, 2008 at 7:10 am
A very good friend of mine was going through a rough point, I could see the love she had for her children being played against her, she was asking or just sharing, but my reaction was to the quick: “He is playing you against the love you have for your children, and does not realize it” Then gave her the biggest bear hug I could. I hit the nail on the head, it was what was going on, and she needed the hug for her heart.
That moment within the hug scared the hell out of me. I was not prepared for the emotions within myself which overwhelmed me.
I have a much higher value on my friends now, than romantic love, and even equate friendship within my relationship to God. There is are symbolic aspects to friendship and a relationship with god I believe, which ties us all together, for real.
I hope to get filled up on hugs this week, top up and overfill!!! I recommend the same for all.
November 24th, 2008 at 6:41 am
SG, I know you are madly in love with me, buts it’s a love that can never be. I mean I live in NY, and you live in TX. I am positive that on that simple fact alone we are not genetically compatible. But don’t feel down little princess, I will let you worship me from afar. But be sure that that the alter you build to me follow the guidelines in the rulebook, otherwise you will feel my fell my awe inspiring wrath
November 24th, 2008 at 7:07 am
You’re obviously doing drugs again. Put down the pipe, D.
November 25th, 2008 at 12:04 pm
It’s okay, you can just tell everyone the truth. I know you can’t help yourself. I mean, since the hair grew back after chemo, how could you help but fall in love with me from afar? Of course, it might be easier if you’d stop running away and hiding when I jump out of the bushes.
Also, remember, a restraining order is just another way to say “I love you”.