Suburban Goddess

Well, it’s the dawn of a new day. Four days after one of the worst days of my life, I’m starting to realize that this is actually a blessing in disguise. Granted, I’ve barely eaten, I haven’t slept, and the anxiety is at a level I never imagined possible, but I’m still here.

The outpouring of support and love is overwhelming. My old staff took me to lunch yesterday, each one expressing their love and gratitude. That meant so much to me; I may not have been perfect in the company’s eyes, but the people who had to work for me both respected and appreciated everything I did for them. I fought back the anger of my situation and tried to encourage them to shake it off and still appreciate what they had. It’s a wonderful company to work for. Just don’t stray from the rules.

I searched back in my history to try to find a time where I lost my boss, then actually wanted to take them to lunch afterwards. I couldn’t think of a single time. So that alone boosted my spirits.

I’ve sent out twenty resumés, posted to every job board I could find, contacted four headhunters, and registered at a temp agency. A few friends have passed my resumé on to key people at my church and at the Chronicle. I registered for unemployment, and signed up with the Texas workforce site. I practically stalked the art director at my church, sitting in the church café for the past two days trying to get a moment to talk to him. The timing is difficult right now; many people are knee-deep in Christmas, waiting to hire after the first of the year. But there is hope; I’ve been told by many people that they were actually hired the week after Christmas, so don’t give up hope.

I hear that a lot. Don’t give up hope. It’s been another rough year… hanging onto hope is getting difficult. Another speed bump in my job search is my external hard drive (the one the company decided to search) mysteriously died, taking with it all of my portfolio items. It’s almost as if God is saying, “Pictures, STUPID!” All signs have continuously pointed towards OMC. So I spent the last two days immersed in OMC, surrounding myself with the dream I’m trying to pursue, making sure this is really what I want to do with my life.

I can honestly say, yes, this is what I want to do.  Pausing only for the occasional bathroom break and nervous glances at my email accounts, the wheels have begun to turn.  Can I tough it out for a few months until this thing takes off?  Am I willing to work a “suck” job for a while, just so that I may one day have everything I’ve dreamed of?

Again, yes.

As each day wears on, I’m starting to realize that my identity was never defined by my old company. If anything, I was told on more than one occasion that I was too talented for what I was doing, and I needed to break free. Break free… shoved out the door…. does it really matter at this point?  The point is, I AM free, and instead of stressing about it anymore, I am realizing that this may be the best thing that ever happened to me.

This entry was posted on December 20, 2008 at 5:41 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.