Suburban Goddess

Sometimes people never fail to amaze me… the things they will say or do to get on your good side, only to whole-heartedly disappoint you in the end.  So many times I’ve hung my hopes on people with such bright futures, people I thought worthy, intelligent, and thoughtful.

It seems that people are never what I think they are.

I’m so jaded at this point, that it’s hard for me to see the good right in front of me… and there’s so much of it! Maybe it’s the extended hours of listening to conservative talk radio and reading CNN.com that has lowered my ability to see the bright side. Heaven knows that mainstream media never has anything positive to say anymore, and bombarding yourself with all this negativity will eventually lead you down the same path… add a series of unfortunate events on top of that, and you have yourself a perfect recipe for a Pity Sandwich.

I keep waiting for someone to come along and kick me in the rear, to get me out of this funk, but perhaps that’s the problem; it has to come from within. I’ve started looking for inspiration; I mean, it’s not like I got mauled by a chimpanzee today. That’s a positive. I didn’t wake up in a pool of my own vomit with strange paraphanalia lying next to the bed this morning. That’s a positive. I wasn’t dead this morning. That’s a positive.

The sarcasm that usually lies at the tip of my tongue escapes me these days. No witty comebacks. No social commentary. No inspiration. I know all of this comes with being comfortable with your surroundings, and I’m still in an “adjustment” phase. Add the miserable, soggy grey winter on top of that, and honestly… if I were suicidal I’d have slit my wrists by now.  But I’m not (and I really don’t understand how anyone could be, but that’s a different blog altogether.)

The oak tree in my backyard has the tiniest green buds on its branches… I pray for springtime, with blue skies, green leaves, colorful flowers, and the scent of jasmine… and the first warm day that I can return to the lake and find myself again.  I feel like I’m wasting precious time, and I desperately want to return to my old self. But that girl is gone, changed yet again into something wiser, something deeper, something different…

This entry was posted on February 18, 2009 at 10:35 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.