Porcelain

I’ve been in a “relationship” for over a year now… I’d consider it more than that, personally, but it’s been complicated for a while.

My insecurities constantly weigh on me; I wish I could erase my past and start over with a blissful sense of naivite. To make matters more complicated, his past is as equally as difficult as mine. Judging him on the past mistakes of others is not fair… but after being through it so many times, certain behavior triggers both fear and distrust in me.  The funny thing is, I exhibit those exact same behaviors with no malicious intent, yet I cannot seem to let go and trust that he is the same.

I keep thinking of that movie “Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind.” Part of me wishes I could erase all those insecurities, all those fears, all that distrust… but those experiences made me what I am today, and lead me down the path to this very person.

I pray he has more patience with me than I have with myself. I’ve got to get over this.

This entry was posted on February 26, 2009 at 6:35 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.



2 Responses to “Porcelain”

  1.   Knot Says:
    February 27th, 2009 at 2:33 am

    Now … I would rather date someone who had flaws and knows it as opposed to someone who has them and won’t admit it. And I’m pretty sure that after a year, he’s not nearly as interested in your flaws as you are.

  2.   Alan Says:
    February 28th, 2009 at 6:18 am

    Step into grace, it brings clarity and acceptance my past (soul wrenching tears and all). Its the polar opposite our whole lives lead us to arrive this spot;, truth seeking, loving, giving persons come up to this wall of accepting by grace. We want to understand, because of every truth, every gift given because of it,, and the entire past spent earning with yearning, and knowing so very many things precious to life because of this spirit of us. its a gift, but one which has to be freely accepted, and is only understood by you alone. We cant earn it, just accept it. Whether it be gods love or the love from another person, accepting it (is what it is) without objectification. Is the question really whether or not he can or has stepped into grace as you will or may? That dear heart is real love, two people sharing the taking of a path the same road, with free will! Hugs, from a brother, and fan.