Don’t Look Back
Sometimes I fall into these little funks that are pretty hard to shake off. I can always chalk it up to a recent event; a mention of someone, a chance encounter, a remark in passing that seems utterly harmless but sends you back to a time you’d rather forget… but as I navigated through a particularly hectic weekend, I realized that after a certain amount of time, even the most horrible life events lose their sting.
There was a point in my life where I thought I’d NEVER talk to my first ex-husband again; our divorce was not friendly, to say the least. After wrangling through a bunch of garbage with the house, a mountain of debt, emotional issues… I just thought I’d rather see him dead. But a funny thing happened; time passed, and those things that seemed so devestating at the time are put into perspective. Strangely enough, he’s now a friend on my Facebook, and I actually enjoy his comments. Sure, we had rough times, but since then, life has changed us… and we’re both much more laid back now than we used to be.
I think that helps.
It’s that thought that keeps me holding on to hope with my current situation. Part of me wishes that I could close my eyes and fast forward through the anger, frustration, and annoyance that I feel when dealing with certain people. But then, I’d miss so much along the way, that it brings new meaning to the cliche “take the good with the bad.”
Life is flying by at an alarming rate these days; just this morning I realized exactly how LONG my kid’s legs were, and it scared me. Sometimes I find myself retreating inside myself, just praying for days to be over… but when they are over I lament on the time wasted just *being* instead of *living.*
I envy those who have it all figured out; who have somehow managed to balance work and life, home and responsibility. I’m trying…
May 4th, 2009 at 11:50 am
Nobody has ‘it figured out.’. They have managed to find out what works for them and what they need to make them happy. Or at least at ease.
May 5th, 2009 at 5:42 am
It’s hard when we compare our insides to someone else’s outsides. Like a duck on a pond, the surface may seem all smooth and peaceful and serene, but under the surface things may be churning furiously.
I’ve been divorce a couple years longer than you, but not that long. And, this is my first time, I’m not a repeat offender, yet.
But, I’ve cycled through stages of being really angry and not caring that much and even being sad for my ex-wife, who still doesn’t see how she contributes to her own unhappiness. Right now, I’ve heard they’re going through some hard times financially. At first, I enjoyed a little schadenfruede, but now I pray for them. I honestly don’t feel it 100%, but I still pray for them to have all the same things I’d wish for myself; peace, prosperity, financial security, happiness. The idea is, that if I keep praying it for them, God will have a chance to work in my heart and help me to at least let go, if not actually mean all that for them. I’m skeptical, but, well, it beats being a mean spirited, withered, old man, so I’m doing it.