Contrast
On Monday, I dropped Alex off at her daycare and called the ex to let him know she was developing an ear infection. Since she had tubes put in her ears, it’s imperative that we put special drops in them when she goes swimming to prevent water from traveling into her inner ear. I explained to him that he needed to fill the prescription for these drops, especially since she’d be doing a lot of swimming at his house. He assured me he would take care of it, and I put my faith in his word that he would.
Fast forward, four days later… I walked into the daycare to pick up my baby girl today, and when she got within a foot of me, I smelled a horrible stench; I recognized it immediately. I pulled back her hair to find a goopy brown mess crusted around her left ear…
Immediately, I felt a flash of anger. This, in my eyes, was completely unacceptable. As I tried to pull her earlobe down lightly to peer into the ear canal, she yelped in pain. The flash of anger rose to a cold blue flame. I called the ex, put he did not answer… I left the calmest message I could muster, and set about to try to take care of my daughter.
I know this man loves his child; there is no doubt in my heart. I really do believe that she is capable of changing his life. But when I specifically point out something that directly relates to her HEALTH, I expect him to pay attention. And when he doesn’t, it makes me angry.
But the cold hard reality is this; there’s nothing I can do.
On the other side of this coin are the fathers who DO pay attention to the instructions; the fathers that sacrifice their own wants, needs and desires for the sake of their children. The fathers who sit down and play games with their kids, paint a picture with them, read them countless stories… fathers who are willing to sacrifice their own happiness for the sake of their children… and the women who treat *those* fathers like dirt.
Let me tell you something; fall on your knees and thank God that you have an ex who cares at that level. If your ex is willing to sit through a dinner with you so that your child can see you in a room together, thank God. If your ex is willing to sacrifice more than the state-mandated child support so that your child can do the things and have the opportunities they would have had if you’d stayed together, thank God. If your ex makes a conscious effort to show your child that although you can’t be together romantically, you still can do things together as a somewhat fractured family, thank God. And if your ex is willing to take time off to make every recital, every play, every event, every doctors appointment….
…get on your knees and thank God. Because some of us are not that lucky.
My disappointment runs deep tonight as my little girl tosses and turns. My tolerance for people is running low; my patience is gone. But although I am angry, I still try to keep things in perspective; he pays his child support. He shows up for his visitation. He is a loving and kind father to my child.
So I thank God for what he has given me… and pray that he will take care of the rest.
May 28th, 2009 at 11:16 am
As a divorced father, I am very happy that my ex-wife loves our children more than she was angry at me. We managed to have a relatively amicable divorce even though we were unhappy with each other because we were able to focus on doing what was right for the children. There are so many ways divorce can get very ugly and I am happy that we avoided most of them.
So fathers and mothers both should be grateful if their ex-;partner is able to put the needs of the children over any desire for revenge or punishment or retaliation.