Judgment
The bad thing about living your life on the Internet is how quickly you are judged. So much of what I write is misinterpreted, misunderstood, and taken out of context. It frustrates me sometimes. As the blog gained followers, I became excited…. but soon friends and family found it. I don’t mind that friends and family read it; it’s a great way for them to be part of my life. But sometimes they forget that the communication is only one way, and that occasionally I’d love to hear how their life is going as well.
With more family and friends comes more censoring. It’s easy to spill your guts out to a billion strangers, but when people you know and love follow you so closely, you have to be careful about what you say. I know, many people would ask why I had the courage to say it behind their back, but not to their faces.
Easy. I don’t want to hurt anybody.
Sometimes the things you do and say are funny, but you may not realize that. Sometimes the things you do and say are hurtful to others, but I know you did not mean it. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t make for a good story, though. And in the end, it’s just a way for me to remember you; the good times, the bad times, and how we got through it all. As the years fade into one another, more and more memories slip away… and it may be strange, but the bad ones mean just as much to me as the good ones. Because without the bad ones, you can’t appreciate how wonderful the good ones are.
There’s so much I don’t say; so much I can’t say. The things I do say occasionally come out all wrong. But the worst thing is knowing that you don’t know the whole story… yet you read and judge. You judge me by the things that do make it here… you judge me by the things I write in the heat of a moment. You judge my decisions, my reactions, my thoughts, my dreams…. behind this keyboard sits a living, breathing human being. A person with thoughts and feelings, a person with experiences and mistakes.
A person who is just trying to get by, and make the most of the things I’ve been given.
May 28th, 2009 at 12:32 pm
This may sound silly but I think you get a feel for a person by looking at the photographs they take. Your pictures remind me a lot of me back in college when I would go walking around town with a camera just looking for something neat to photograph and show it to anyone kind enough to view. I say “get a feel” because I really don’t like the word ‘judge.’ There is more to any of us than the words we write. Just keep up the good work!
May 29th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
Talk about staring perspective down, you go girl. Still…
I read this in a book yesterday: The Abyss between Experience and knowledge cannot be bridged scientifically. I cant fathom another understanding my perspective, it is volumes deep, which came from books I reference, short lessons which can be memorized (I have).After the volumes come the personal experience, full of its emotional complexity. Then the listener, or reader: Behaviorist types looking subjectively, cognitive trying to see multiple objectives Struggle to listen. It is easy to overwhelm most, if not all from the experience of an extended conscience. Most everyone acts from Behavior without understanding the why, I understand what I just wrote, and my intention its writing, but you are the one it is aimed at, and I only suspect it touched the perspective places I hoped.. Hope, faith, love!!! Cool huh?
What we use to try cross the Abyss. Keep on trying, I know it is worth it!