There’s No Place Like Home
I went home this weekend for a whirlwind tour; the drive is ridiculously harsh, but sometimes it just needs to be made. There are a lot of things weighing on me at the moment… my financial situation, insecurities, my father’s health… it feels like I’ve lived with battery acid running through my veins since last June when I got the phone call. Since then, an avalanche of unfortunately events and bad timing have all but yanked the rug from beneath me. I’ve had a hard time getting back on my feet and putting my life back in order.
I’m often accused of playing the victim, and I’ll admit, it’s a role I’m comfortable with. It’s easy to be a victim; it doesn’t require much of a backbone and everyone always extends a “oh, you poor thing,” enabling you to give in to the drowning emotions that sometimes overwhelm you. It’s in this position that perspective becomes reality; just because your problems aren’t that monstrous, they are percieved to be from your angle. Regardless of perspective, you have to admit it’s been a tough year for me. My father’s diagnosis, my job loss, my house getting broken into… it’s a bunch of things that would take their toll on anyone, much less all within a four month period. That being said… well…. I have to get over it all.
It was the moment I pulled into the driveway that I realized the problem; I had not returned home to re-group throughout my issues. After I lost my job, money became too tight for the drive, so I had not been home in over six months. It’s no wonder I felt so lost; I was forgetting where I’d come from. The moment I walked in the door, I found the elusive peace I’d been searching for the past few months.
Here, I was surrounded by my people, a warm familiarity that is wordless, but wraps around you like a warm blanket. Geographically, it is a short drive away, but the moment I cross the state line, it’s like landing on a different planet… only here, the aliens are friendly. With really good food.
Since I’ve moved to Houston, Texas has tried to work it’s magic on me. While I enjoy life here, and I’ve made some wonderful friends, there is nothing like home. At home, everything is small, contained, and comfortable. There’s no sprawling urban landscape; there simply can’t be because you’re surrounded by water. Everyone seems to know one another, and there’s an unspoken code of loyalty that everyone lives by. It’s hard to describe if you didn’t grow up there. But the feeling was overwhelming this time… as my life continues to hang in a state of limbo, I have the overpowering urge to say “screw it all,” and just go home.