A New Direction
After 14 years, I’ve left design.
I guess I haven’t really “left” it, since I still have a stake in my photography company. But for the first time in a very long time, my day job has nothing to do with graphics. I thought I’d be distraught about this decision, but I’m not; the last job completely and throughly ruined me to the point that I simply need a break.
It wasn’t the work that did it.. it was the people. One person, in particular. A person who I thought, in this day in age, could no longer treat workers as this particular person did. I watched for six months as she degraded, tore down and demeaned hard-working people who had no other options. While you were on the clock, you were property… every single moment had to be accounted for and there was zero tolerance for mistakes.
The problem was, everything we touched was simply a matter of opinion. And no matter what your opinion was, it was wrong in her eyes.
I never understand people who feel the need to tear down others to make them feel better about themselves. Perhaps the lack of control in other areas of her life made her feel the need to flex her power over others. To be spoken to so condescendingly… it was maddening. I went from managing a multi-million dollar department to being someone’s personal bitch. I apologize for the vulgarity, but there is no other way to describe it; I was spending my days fielding calls from an 8 yr. old and being an overpriced copy machine. (“Scan this and send it to so and so.”)
I watched as she yelled at unsuspecting bill collectors who were simply trying to do their job. I watch her talk down to vendors. I watched her speak to a grown woman, an intelligent and bright lady, as if she were a dog not worthy of kicking. She held our jobs over our heads, threatening to let us go any day… telling the others that they were basically worthless. I watched her demean her husband, speaking to him like an unruly child, or worse yet, like a complete moron. I do not condone hitting your spouse, but in her case, I think I would have forgiven him.
There were a couple of days I almost wished he would.
The stress of the place was killing me. I would start the day in the typical “hacker” pose, hunched over my keyboard, but as the days progressed, my shoulders would tighten to the point that they touched my earlobes… a sharp, stinging pain appeared at the top of my spine. I would not realize, but when she would enter the room, I would hold my breath… until finally my body would involuntarily gasp for air. The dread that I would feel in the morning made it nearly impossible to get out of bed… and I could feel myself falling into a deep depression. Hell, you probably winessed it.
My relationship was suffering. My health was affected. All I wanted to do was quit, but I was trapped by the heavy burden of my responsibilities… until I cried out for help.. and you answered.
The flood of emails, tweets, IMs, and calls were amazing. Those of you who had leads, sent them. Those who didn’t at least offered your support. And within 48 hours, I had a new job.
This morning, I walked into an office with a window. There was a fresh pot of coffee. And most importantly, my new boss greeted me with a jovial smile and pleasant attitude… cracking jokes through the course of the day as the administrative assistant and I talked like normal human beings instead of prisoners in a concentration camp. I felt lighter…almost giddy. I was a human being again.
When I got home, there was a new sense of purpose. I WANT to sit in front of my computer again, digital pen in hand and ideas rolling around my head. I’ve been in hard-core production roles so long that I forgot how to be creative just for the hell of it.
Maybe this is a good thing. No matter what, it’s at least a step in a better direction. Tomorrow, I’m actually looking forward to going to work.