Goodbye 33
As I wake up on this, the last day of my 33rd year of life, I am happy to say it will soon be over. 33, that is. Hopefully not my life, but that’s in God’s hands. I have to say, I haven’t been very grateful to him for my life this year; many mornings I awoke with a sick despair. The year kicked off with a horrible betrayal that rocked me to my very core, which lead to me making some pretty stupid mistakes. Then I lost my job right before Christmas, which was completely unexpected, and my house was broken into and everything of value was stolen. I got a new job, but it was so stressful that I spent close to six months sick. My father was diagnosed with cancer, my finances were strained beyond my means, and here at the end, another situation that emotionally hurts so much that it’s effecting my physical health.
Enough already.
Sometimes I don’t know how I’m going to make it through. But then I have to stop myself and look at all the things I had between the struggles.
I landed a new job almost immediately. Twice.
I learned the true meaning of forgiveness.
I met some amazing people that have become great friends.
I am much closer to my dream than I’ve ever been.
I have an amazing kid who makes me laugh even when I think there’s nothing left to laugh at.
My father is doing better than they ever expected, and he’s still around telling the same great stories that I loved dearly as a child.
In the past year, I learned exactly how immaterial material things are. I learned how to humble myself and ask for help. I was amazed at how many people are willing to help me.
I learned that relationships are the heart of life… and I’ve grown to cherish each and every one with the people that I love.
And I learned that when you drop the walls and make yourself vulnerable, no matter how hard it is to put your heart back out there with the potential that someone will drive a knife through it… sometimes that gamble pays off, and you will find a love unlike anything you’ve ever had or even thought possible.
The struggles of 33 have made it, truly, one of the hardest years of my life. I know there are those out there who have suffered far worse than me, who have troubles that I couldn’t imagine, and my heart breaks for them. In the past year, I’ve reached out to total strangers in pain because I know how hard it is to struggle alone…. nobody should have to endure life’s heartaches alone.
I am so thankful for everyone in MY life who felt that way, and reached out to me. I could not have made it through this year without them. Time to pay it forward.
Today, I have a wedding to shoot while my parents watch my baby girl. Tonight I will have dinner with the most important and cherished people in my life. Today is the bright red cherry on top of a shit sundae… I’ve learned to find the joy in the small moments, because it is there every single day if you just open your eyes and look for it.
Goodbye, 33. I learned a lot from you…. the hard way. But it just wouldn’t be me to do things the easy way, now would it?