What You Don’t Know
I’ve lived a great deal of my life in the dark. I always believe the best of people; I put great faith into the things they tell me.
I hate to find out that they’re lying to me.
My sense of righteousness and morality kicks in, and I pass judgment swiftly. I become angry, hurt and indignant. I lash out, cry, do and say hurtful things to reciprocate the pain I’ve come to accept as part of life. But when the dust settles and the air clears, I’m left with something very uncomfortable.
My hypocrisy.
As I look back over the course of the past few years, I have to come to the realization that I should not be judging others quite so harshly. I have not been honest, either. I have kept secrets, I have had conversations, I have made mistakes. I let fear rule portions of my life, despite putting on an air of strength. I have had moments of weakness.
I am not perfect.
I hold the bar so high for others sometimes, but I know full well that if I tried to walk the path I expect them to, I would certainly stumble. I have. The question at this point becomes: at what point do you decide to walk another path? How many mistakes are too many? How much do you endure for the sake of something you believe in?
I have decided to stay the course I am on, praying that there isn’t a sinkhole at the end of the pathway… trying to rebuild faith and trust, trying to live the principle of forgiveness while fighting the fear that I might be manipulated. The one thing that keeps me moving forward is the knowledge that I have made some pretty big mistakes…. and the trust and kindness that were extended to me were so extraordinary that it convinced me to change my ways.
When someone believes in you, it *can* be enough.