Happy Meh Whatever
Another round of holidays successfully survived. I must tell you, Internet, that if I have another round of holidays like the past one, someone must pull me outside and beat the living crap out of me.
It’s not that they were bad; they ended up pretty well despite many personal circumstances. Luckily I have wonderful friends who would not allow me to drown in my pit of self-pity on Thanksgiving…. and my father’s health changed our Christmas plans, but I was able to spend time with extended family again that I really, truly miss. On both Christmas and New Year, I was able to wake up next to the person that I loved, despite the fact that he had to bail on both fairly early to care for his kid. All in all, that equals a successful holiday season, right?
Maybe. But it’s not what I WANTED.
We have a way of wrapping so much sentiment into a date on a calender, but what about all the other days? The night in Austin with the man that I love and one of my Photoshop heroes, a successful class with new friends, an evening spent with my daughter that left me laughing… those are the moments that got me through 2009. And there were so many; so why do I still pine for them to coincide with a date?
I guess because I truly MISS that sense of family, that closeness of being around the ones you love during the holidays. It was noticeably absent this year; I could not have everyone I loved in the same place at the same time. It was frustrating and sad.
I wonder if those days are gone forever. I know things are always complicated when the kids are younger. Long distance families, divorce, and unforseen circumstances all play a factor in these early years… but I long for a time when my house becomes the gathering place once again; a table full of relatives & friends, new and old… a place where everyone is happy to come together and see one another.
I miss you, my old friends. I miss you, my family. You have all made a lasting and permanent impression in my life. I love you, my new friends, who see me for more than a self-absorbed complainer. Your stories fascinate and intrigue me, and I wish I could write you all a happy ending, because you all deserve one.
It’s just a date on a calendar. It’s over-commercialized and uber-advertised… but it’s also a reminder to slow down and remember the ones you love and the impact they’ve had on your life. Don’t write it off as a hassle, or a financial burden. Your calls, your letters, your emails… those are the things that made my year, and carried me through the holidays when I felt lonely.
If I didn’t tell you then, I’m telling you now; thank you. It *did* make a difference.