Seasons Change
There’s only so much a heart can handle. Joy, depression, happiness, loss… the rollar coaster of life seems to gain speed as time passes. I’ve come to accept the low times, learning that their heartache gives way to immeasurable joys. And in those joyful moments, I try to embrace that time and not look ahead to the impending lows.
Through it all I continue to grow, to change, to learn and accept what I am capable of, to stretch the limits where I can. I will not settle, I will not give up, and I will not quit.
But I will change my situation.
The nice thing about so many failures in a lifetime is that you learn to, for lack of better terms, take a punch. Life has a mean right jab. I’ve taken a few… as well as a few roundhouse kicks, a couple of leg sweeps, and quite a few uppercuts. At this point, I stare back with defiance, sometimes maniacal laughter.
Hit me again. I’ve been knocked out, knocked down… but damn it, I’m getting back up. JUST TO SPITE YOU, if nothing else. Pride: my tragic flaw.
I’ve spent the past few years waiting, waiting, waiting. Waiting for something to change, waiting for life to hand me the things I want. Guess what? Life doesn’t hand you anything; Life only gives to those willing to fight for it. Well, I’ve fought. I started fighting fair, but was knocked to my knees… at that point, it became pure survival. Hair-pulling, kicks to the groin, anything, anything to get out with some semblance of a life imagined. But sometimes I feel like the whole thing has been for nothing.
What the hell am I fighting for? Am I even fighting for the right thing? What if I’ve been fighting the wrong fight all along? Maybe it’s time to move on… save the strength for something worth fighting for.
Or for something willing to fight for me.