It’s Complicated
After a while, life’s issues wear you down so much that you cease to care anymore. Case in point; last week was quite possibly one of the most stressful of my life… and I’ve had some dreadfully stressful weeks in my life. By Thursday, I made some serious, life-changing decisions.
Change, in any form, is exhilirating. But for the most part, it’s just scary as hell. You get used to things, you get comfortable, you start to take life’s blessings for granted… and pretty soon, you forget to cherish the things that really matter and accept things that you normally wouldn’t. I find myself falling into a cycle of complacency, resentment, and upheaval as I recognize things in my life that I don’t want to happen again.
It’s exhausting, but not a sacrifice I can make again. Settling for less than I deserve is no longer an option.
I’ve always avoided the “ultimatum.” I don’t believe true change comes from being forced to make a decision. I’ve heard over and over in life, “people don’t change,” but I don’t believe that. I know they do, because *I* have changed, drastically, from the person I was ten years ago. I owe a great deal of that to my daughter, who I credit for teaching me the value of responsibility, priorities, and the importance of tolerance. Until I became solely responsible for this tiny human being, my life was shallow, empty and superficial. (Not saying people wihtout kids are this way, just that *I* was.)
Rather than issuing an ultimatum, my way has always been to simply let go. I’ve learned through the years that there’s a lot of truth in some cliches, which is probably why they become cliches: but if you love someone, you let them go and let fate decide if you were meant to be. Walking away from someone you love is probably one of the hardest things to do… I’ve walked away from five men in my life who I loved dearly.
Only one has ever fought to keep me. And I have never seen such a fight.
At times frightening, frustrating, annoying, exasperating, vexing… defeating, crushing, overwhelming… despairing, distressing, hurting, grieving… and yet, he never gives up. Never gives in. I have never seen anyone fight so hard, or so long, or so much for someone he loves.
It’s a scary thought; when these kind of events spur change, is the change genuine? Many would say it’s not, and that the changes are just an act of desparation. But sometimes the event of letting go is a catalyst to true change as well… when you realize the depth of everything you are about to lose, you start to assess what’s truly important.
I may be crazy, or naive, or just plain stupid…. but I still believe in the best of people. I always will. I believe in what people are capable of, see them for their true potential. It’s burned me more times than I can count, disappointed me to be core of my being, and ripped my heart to shreds when I’ve been wrong… but I just can’t give up. Not when I see such incredible potential in a person…
Honestly, it comes down to a simple question for me: Would you want someone to give up on you?