Effective
I’ve been writing a lot lately, but I’ve refrained from hitting the post button. I can’t write too much about my job: partially because of confidentiality issues and partially because I just don’t want to deal with the fallout. The stories I could tell…
Let me just say that my students change my life every single day. For better and worse.
My heart hurts for some of these children’s struggles. The situation that I, as a teacher, encounter on a daily basis as budget cuts slice deeper into my abilities to connect with students, is a growing frustration with the Texas legislature. I’m not bitching about typical teacher woes: I don’t give a shit about the salary. I truly don’t. To be honest, I would LIKE a raise, but the privilege of getting to know my students is the true gift. Even the “bad” ones. No, ESPECIALLY the “bad” ones.
But I feel the difference this year. My classroom is full, every hour. If one computer is down, five students lose a day of work. If I have three behavior problems, then 25 children stop learning. If I spend extra time with 5 special education kids, there’s no time left in a class period for those who excel. When all of these problems converge within a single class period, then my ability to be an “effective” teacher plummets. But from an outsider’s view, I am judged on my “classroom management” skills. I am given hours of “professional development” to make me a “better” teacher. But when am I supposed to find time to make myself better when every spare moment is used to try to build a meaningful and sincere relationship with these children? Do I cut into my *own* child’s time?
There has to be a line somewhere, and I am deeply conflicted.
The only way I have discovered to make a difference in these children’s lives is to get to know them on a personal level; only then can I devise a way to connect the learning to them. They have to know I *care* about them before they *care* about what I’m saying. They have to trust me, and what I’m saying is true and honest, before they even attempt to listen, much less learn.
Somewhere along the way came a terrible realization. I can’t help all of them. I can’t help all of them, because there simply are not enough hours in the day.
And that equation is just not acceptable to me.