Darwinian Fitness

A few months ago, I finally gave up my obsession with Apple products and switched over to an Android phone. While there are a few features I miss, I honestly can say that I prefer the Android platform over the iPhone; I find Google to be remarkably helpful, if not a little creepy at times.

Phone: DING!

Me: What is it, my incredibly smart phone?

Phone: Your drive home will be delayed by 15 minutes due to an accident on I-45.

Me: Thank you, Stalker Phone.

Phone: You’re welcome. Would you like me to put another pint of Coffee, Coffee, Buzz, Buzz on your shopping list? It appears you finished the last pint while watching The Voice last night.

Me: Uh… yeah. Don’t judge me, Phone.

So it took me a little while to adjust to another operating system. The phone apps automatically update without me having to worry about it, but I had to figure out which ones I actually wanted to use. I have an HTC One M8, and I REALLY like the camera. Of course, it’s not a Canon, but in a pinch, it can take some pretty decent photos when I don’t feel like lugging around my professional gear. I’ve also grown fond of painting and sketching apps on both my iPad and my phone, so I decided to link my Flickr account.

And this is where everything went horribly wrong.

Apparently, Stalker Phone assumes that EVERY picture you take is worthy of saving and uploading to Flickr.

EVERY. PICTURE.

Now, I don’t go around taking selfies. And I’m well past my prime for nudie pics (not that I’m against them, but I’d just like to look good when I take them). But I just happened to start a new weight loss program, so I wanted to document my starting weight in Evernote with some measurements and pictures. So I stood in front of my bathroom mirror in my gym shorts and a sports bra and took the most unflattering photos I have ever taken in an effort to motivate myself. I saved them in my Evernote Fitness File, and went about my business.

A week later, I finished a sketch that I wanted to upload to Flickr, so I opened the app to find a shot of Koal I’d taken earlier that day.

“That’s peculiar,” I thought to myself, as I scrolled down. “I don’t remember uploading that.” I continued to scroll down when the realization hit me. Oh. Dear. God.

And there it was.

48 hours, this picture was out in plain view on the Internet. Of ALL the pictures I’d ever taken, and wouldn’t even mind if they ended up on the Internet, WHY, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PHONE, DID YOU POST THIS ONE?????

DELETE. DELETE. DELETE.

And now I live in fear of my own phone.

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