Unspoken

Man, life has been crazy lately. Things happening all around, really put my life into perspective, and have given me reason to pause, truly pause, and reflect.

The ex has had a new girl for quite sometime. Honestly, any girl was better than TOW, but he managed to luck out and get a REALLY great one this time. Over the course of two years, she has brought out a side of him that I didn’t think existed, and managed to make him not only a better person, but I believe a better father as well.

Now let me clarify, because I know for years that I was angry and said some pretty sucky things, but Alex’s dad LOVES her. He’s a great dad. The problem is that I always compared him to MY dad, which was not fair to him. He couldn’t measure up in my eyes, just as no one will be able to measure up to HER father in her eyes. It’s a “Daddy’s Girl” thing, and that’s okay. I just think his girlfriend makes him an EVEN BETTER person, which is a win for everyone involved.

But the tell-tale sign is how much Alex loves her. She accepted Alex with open arms, and has treated her with such love and devotion that I am thankful in ways that I didn’t think was possible. She truly is a sweet, kind and remarkable woman, and I am thankful for her. Which brings me to the hard part.

Last month this amazing woman was diagnosed with breast cancer, and I am in a very weird position. I know it’s got to be weird to have your fiance’s ex-wife praying so hard for you to be okay, but that’s exactly what I’m doing. I want to be more vocal, and lend way more support, but I don’t want to cross any boundaries. I want to tell her thank you for being such an awesome influence to Alex, but I don’t want it to sound like I’m saying “goodbye,” because I’m not. I want to ask if I can help in some way, but I don’t want to get in the way.

I just want her to know that I love her, too. I really do.

Honestly, I have this problem with many people in my life, but this situation is particularly difficult because of the players involved. So I hang back respectfully, and pray for the absolute best. I hope I’ve said enough to let her know how much I respect her.

It also makes me unbelievably sad, because I believe that if I were diagnosed with a life-threatening disease, I’m pretty sure TBM would be overjoyed. I continue to try to do the right thing and be supportive (even financially), and we can’t even get to speaking terms. No matter what I do for her daughter, I will always be the person who destroyed her family. And that’s not even the truth… but it appears that will always be the perception. Without communication, I will never be able to change that.

If anything, I guess it’s made me a better person. I don’t want to be that angry, bitter and empty ex… I will embrace the good people in my child’s life, and be thankful for them. I will continue to be thankful for all the amazing people that cross our path, regardless of how they got there.

So as this beautiful and courageous lady begins her fight, I hope she knows that I’m in her corner.

She is family.

 

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